Where the bitch within comes out

"Blog" is short for "Butt-Log"

2008-12-10T01:28:00.000-08:00

Where the shit has everyone gone? It's like overnight you people all got lives and that's surely statistically impossible since you're all fifty-something texans who collect chilli cans and swap monkey pie recipes.

Anyway apparently the remaining people should be envying the apparently dead since they're lame and do nothing but talk politics in jibber jabber all day, which is up there with masturbating farm animals for fun and profit - it's enjoyable at the time but when you look back you realize that you probably liked it a bit too much and now you're all covered in horse spooge.

It's boring like if you were a spider but couldn't spin a web and then you sat down and decided to write a webcomic but realized that spiders can't write jokes and dogs can't look up, so with that formula in the mix you decided to become a ballerina but broke a toe and ended up working in a printing press where you checked the newspapers for misspellings of the letter "A".

Pissflips.

haha

2008-08-26T23:08:00.001-07:00

Maybe later. :)

Non-Alchoholic Donkey Punch

2008-07-08T02:57:00.000-07:00

ITP: Slobberhouse complains about safe topics that aren't going to offend anyone since he's a lazy fat nigger that is boring and uncreative, but still way more awesome than you.

I hate everybody. And I especially hate you (By "You" I mean Johhny Noxville). Nonetheless, of the everybody I hate I must say that half of the P-Pusher Messageboard falls under the guise of particularly strong hate. To put it into perspective, imagine if you were a purple cinderblock made of gorilla biceps drinking cups of coffee, only the coffee was made of racing cars. Sometimes I hate the PPMB eighty-twelve times more than that.

Some other times I pretend that I'm a banana being chased by a mob of midget Ron Jeremies. Sorry, what?

Now it would be all tea and schlongs if anything on the PPMB seemed to ever actually approach the point of non boringosity, but the closest thing to a heated exchange of drama that has happened there since the dawn of time (Circa 1982 AD) is a vaguely vague argument that was vaguely about swearing in posts. While I refuse to soil the sweet air with vile cursing, I have to say that sometimes PPMB's fucking cunt ass members are gay shitbitches. Niggercocks.

This outburst of colorful wordsmithy brings up another thing - what the hell is it with all this overly-friendly, passive-aggressive anal oilslickery that seems to permeate the whole fandom? If you don't like somebody, tell them the rational way - order a mafia hit on their family, burn their house down and run their dog over with an economy car made in france, instead of ranting on behind their backs like a lame-ass sack of dog bones that has a fetish for sexytight boy bodies.

PS: Ham. Delicious.

Where must the line be drawn?

2008-06-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

What is that step too far as far as chat room courtesy goes in our great fandom channel? There is quiet discussion about the idea, mostly at my instigation, about that in #daria this week. I did forward a motion to outline a set of behaviour guidelines this week, but I have yet to hear if it was quashed or carried. Said motion was seconded & thirded, the seconding surprised me since it was in part the seconder's behaviour that helped convince me that the guidelines needed to be outlined in the first place, although it wasn't his behaviour this day that irked me.

My main drama is that people push way beyond what is acceptable outside of certain government institutions where occupancy is mandatory, and I've felt the need to withdraw to avoid certain obnoxiously behaviong persons.

The issue that brought this to a head was rather icksome to be sure, and I am certain that it is not appropriate behaviour outside of an s&m chat or a tourettes support group. I'll end* this post with the suggestion that in discussion chatters from #daria discuss what they think is inappropriate behaviour in the channel, and where that line can be drawn.

*ETA: That while sexually harassing chatters with violent descriptions of what you are going to do to them is apparently a grey area, it is black & white that publishing said interaction is a black one, so removed because I don't want to give jerks like that the satisfaction of having my arse banned for highlighting their douchery. If you missed it & want to know, ask me privately.

First Post

2008-06-13T03:02:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that I've been a member of this blog for awhile, I haven't really felt a genuine need to post (I do enough of that on PPMB and SFMB). I've felt a need to address what's kept me from doing anything beneficial to the community. To put it short, I've been busy. Mostly learning new things, but I've also been trying to find work. But in my spare time I've been working on the following:

Planning the webcomic. Yes, it's been an entire year since my last comic and I'm not proud of it. Most of my problems have stemmed from life in general (Trying to find work, dealing with family, wondering how I was going to make any kind of revenue from a Daria comic strip, etc....), but other problems arose from a secondary desire to learn......

Trying to learn CGI. Someone ultimately decided that cartoons are dead, and computer animation was the only way to make money in film and television without hiring big-budget actors or actors-on-a-budget.....or any actors. I have some ideas in mind, and I'm hoping they can come to fruition before the end of the decade.

Kicked a nasty habit. For the greater part of the first quarter of the year, I became addicted to an old MMORPG called Redmoon Classic. I ultimately realized that the game was not worth wasting my nights on, and could be spent doing other worthwhile things. Apparently, I have to take baby steps, since I found myself playing Neverwinter Nights.

Started blogging on Screwattack. Since I've become a fan of the Angry Video Game Nerd and the Video Game Vault, I've found myself disturbed by the lack of intelligence in their fans, and felt this need, as a gamer, to defend the gaming community from itself. So I'm trying to bring creativity and original thinking to their dinner table every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Needless to say, it's a very slow start.

Trying to keep #Daria afloat. Obviously, this isn't hard to do, since 95% of the populace have common sense. But there is that one stupid fuck..........

Last but not least: FINDING WORK. It's been two years since leaving Kroger, and Red Reese needs food, badly. And one way to solve that is by paypalling money to reesekaine@gmail.com, or help me find work that actually lets me earn money at home, and not be a goddamn scam, seeing as how even McDonalds won't hire me. Sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I wish I had more options, but it's just not easy here in West Virginia, a place that hasn't recovered since Reagan's financial raping of our country, made worse by Bush Jr's criminal actions. I'm going to stop there before I get political, there's other places for that.

But yeah, that's what's been going on on my end.

A new meaning for "too much information/who cares"

2008-05-18T20:47:00.000-07:00

Turns out that Crossada was celebrating an anniversary last Friday. On May 16, 1986, he threw up in his bed after drinking too much - yep, you heard it: on May 16, 1986. Who the fuck remembers the exact date they puke? And he even described his puke as "real Linda Blair in The Exorcist stuff." Apparently, his puke was green, pea soup-like.

But that's not all! He told us he's still sleeping on that exact same mattress. Yep, for 22 years. Did we really need to know that he's been sleeping on a puke-filled mattress for, literally, as long as I've been alive?

He mentioned that in 22 years, he has not managed to put aside enough to buy a new vomit-free mattress mattress. Now I wonder, in the past 22 years, how much has he spent on guns and ammunition? I believe mattresses are less expensive than firearms...you do the maths.

Sure that, now that the subject of guns was brought up, he couldn't help it mention how the US presidential candidates are outright fanatically hostile to civilian gun owners - even puke-filled mattress are somehow connected to guns. Zzzzz...

Boring, boring, boring

2008-05-12T21:53:00.001-07:00

Seriously, can't Crossada be more boring? "I sold one of my guns", "My neighbours have a dog", "Everyone's after my guns", "Right-wing vs. Left-wing conspiracy theories", "I have a car now", "My landlord wants to make repairs to my apartment", "Dad wants to go to a nursing home", "I went to emergency room", and those neverending rants in Nick's Corner about guns and liberals are getting fucking old. The guy expects people to reply to his uninteresting threads and yet he hardly ever replies to anyone else's threads - unless they involve guns, of course. And if the threads others start do not involve guns, it doesn't matter! He always finds a way to connect them to guns.

What is really annoying is when he picks random quotes that fit his point of view to reply to threads. I mean, come on, people are responding to him not to George Washington or some other famous guy he quotes. On top of that, he's so oblivious he cannot even tell when people have had enough of him. Just take a look at this recent thread of his, entitled "Finding new, exciting ways for everyone to be racist". First off, the topic. Was there a need to raise such a controversial topic? For the #57834 time? Here's a summary of what happened in that thread:

Crossada - "People are racist."

[Weird. It's not about guns this time. But the thread starter is Crossada, so...]

Pollard - "Nothing new to see here, folks. Just keep moving along; the next exhibit is down the hallway to your left."

Deref (quoting Pollard) - "This way to the egress."

Brother Grimace - "Cross....Whatever. (finishes typing, logs off to go get water)"

NightGoblyn - "Stupid leftie is stupid. Got it."

Mike Quinn - "You suck at maths."

cyde - "Guys, guys! This is Nick's Corner, remember? NOBODY 'moves on' in Nick's Corner. Ever."

Gouka Ryuu replies with a random image.

Brother Grimace (also replies with a random image) - "A subtle reminder that there are greater problems in this universe to concern ourselves over than worrying about skin colors."

[In the meantime, Crossada keeps discussing.]

Quiverwing - "And even after all that's been said, it seems to be impossible for some people to get the very obvious hint."

Brother Grimace - "As for a number of the comments made here... it's better to just walk away."

Crossada - "Clearly something or other went right over my head here. Can someone dumb it down for me, so that I may laugh too?"

[All posters roll their eyes and suddenly feel the need to hit Crossada. Nevertheless, they decide to remain silent and let the thread run its course. It's just not worth it.]

I think I've made my point. He should be thankful Guerin's around, or he would've been crowned the most boring poster ever.

Is this it?

2008-05-01T06:56:00.000-07:00

I piss off and the whole of fandom shuts down. Well what do you know, the whole world does revolve around me.

Sucks to be you.

Greybird Rectums

2008-03-18T13:20:00.001-07:00

(The following has been peer-reviewed and considered true by over sixteen seperate members of NAMBLA. All insults are intentional.)

I'm glad you have lapses of smartyness, as I wanted to cling to the only community on the internet that doesn't consider me a loser and freak. You don't think that, right?

ASTERISK ASTERISK ASTERISK

As to the legal controversy, the internet is SERIOUS BUSINESS and litigation is the only way I can defend myself due to the way I'm an enormous pansy. The constituted defamation under my gross understanding of what libel law actually is, because the closest I've come to reading a law book is furiously masturbating to Boston Legal slashfics while wearing a pair of angel wings. Sometimes I just cry for hours after I orgasm.

The comments have since been screenshotted for graet justaice, and the parties involved have snarkily apologized to me in a manner that's actually just thinly veiled insults. This settles the matter in my opinion, as the same birth defect I was born with that makes my brain a huge pussy also makes me unable to understand sarcasm. Say, what's this community based around again?

STAR STAR STAR

I don't believe I insulted Thea at all. Even though everyone saw it as an insult and I didn't really make any attempt to apologize at all, and also decided I'd complain about flamewars again because I like to complain about things I have absolutely no vested interest in and that don't actually affect me in any way.

If anyone thinks I'm a butthurt walrus manflaps then they are probably right. Sometimes at night I curl up with a pair of cherub wings wrapped around my pillow and like to think it's a real angel.

...

I'm so lonely.

* * *

I was NOT banned from any forum despite the way that my maniacal levels of stupid would merit a punch in the dick in real life.
Richard Lobinske b& me last Tuesday based on the grounds that I'm a huge cunt. HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS.

Despite the way that nobody even remembers me anymore and have instead turned their attention to flaming Ronio and Jobu, I'm determined to beat my dead horse and try to 'explain' shit to a community that doesn't give a fuck anyway. This stems from the way that when I was born, the doctors hit me with a meat mallet because they thought I was a mutant.

WHY WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE LOVE ME

WHY GOD WHY

FUCK YOU I'M AN ANGEL

Greybird Returns

2008-03-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

I'm glad that you reversed whatever decision you made, because I wanted to set the record straight.

* * *

As to the legal controversy, it involved comments made about me at both the Daria Blandom Blog and SFMB's Flame Wars. They constituted defamation under libel law.

The comments have since been removed, and the parties involved (directly or by dint of not practicing oversight) have apologized to me, admitting that such comments were untrue. This settles that matter as far as I am concerned, making any repetition of the details unnecessary.

* * *

I did NOT insult Thea Zara. The sense involved here is whether or not I intended to do so, because each of us ultimately has no control over how one's comments are taken by others.

I said that I empathized with her loss (as I have lost my own parents) and her difficulties. I also tried to find out how a PayPal donation facility could be set up. I said that this was a worthy cause, especially for those who know her well.

I said, however, that I was not able to make a donation, because I did not want to risk having any such money - however indirectly - end up allowing the continued existence of SFMB's Flame Wars. It's an institution (or a part of one) that I've made no secret about detesting for several years, and I wrote about it at the original Daria Fandom Blog at some length, if anyone's interested.

No, that wasn't a particularly sensitive comment. I should have made it entirely in private to sysop Deref (who, I found out only later, was paying the cost of SFMB at that time) and others involved. That was my mistake.

It was, however, meant to make matters of personal support - or not - more clear in a semi-private thread that now no longer exists at PPMB. It was not meant as an insult. If Thea or anyone takes it that way, I regret that deeply, but I cannot control that.

* * *

I was NOT banned from any message board, with one limited exception. (Apart from this Icarus board, if, in fact, I was.)

Richard Lobinske informed me on 27 December that I was to be banned two days later, for two weeks, from PPMB. He gave me a brief list of reasons that were outright and deliberate lies, and which were subsequently repeated in a public PPMB thread.

I never had any formal warnings or complaints from the moderators about anything I had ever posted at PPMB. I had informal notes on a handful of occasions, but only when I posed questions in regard to a board controversy. Lobinske also told me on one occasion that I had made a link to an external sound file that had unacceptable content, and he'd deleted the link, but he offered no "warning."

The obvious motivation for this came from the controversy over Thea - wherein the mods had said they had no complaint whatsoever, beyond splitting my comments into a separate thread. And from the legal matter noted above. It had nothing to do with my not following PPMB rules, because I had, in fact, done so.

I told Lobinske and Wild that this banning was entirely specious, and that they knew very well it was specious, and I asked them to provide an explanation. They declined to respond.

I then told them that this was a transparent tactic to try to "punish" me in some way. They had a property right they could enforce, and which I respected - but I, in turn, could not tolerate their use of PPMB for a personal vendetta, nor their poor judgment. So I instructed them, before any ban took effect, to delete my PPMB user account. (Though not my posts.)

I did the same at SFMB, though only after Deref had turned off my access to Flame Wars. (As if this would ever hide, in practice, what anyone writes there - or shield it from legal action.)

I have had more than enough of those two boards - and, as I'm sure others will pipe up to say, they have had enough of me. Such is life.

After nearly three months having passed, and remembering my having posted here, I thought it important to take this opportunity to put some of these matters on record.

--Faybird, on the Icarus

The following is a work of omg satire or whatever.

I only have a few points to add.

1. My comments constituted defamation? No they didn't, Perry Mason. They constituted satire (as much was implied, rather explicitly).

2. I apologized? I guess, if you can call it such. I've never uttered a less sincere apology than the one I gave you. Again, I'm so totally sorry I called you a faggot and a pederast. I didn't mean to. The TV made me do it.

3. You were never given a formal warning on PPMB? Were you ever PMed about your behavior at all? Guess what! That's your fucking warning, chump change. The very fact that you're trying to split hairs about 'formal' warnings tells me that you were at PPMB with no purpose other than to see how far you could push the envelope, and for how long.

What, did you expect Kara to hand-deliver you a warning hand written in calligraphy on parchment paper with an official seal? Fuck you. You probably got warned by PM on more than one occasion, snickered derisively and filed those away in the back of your mind as being 'unofficial' since they didn't say "OFFICIAL WARNING" at the top, with a random "case number". Well, guess what? You don't decide what does and doesn't constitute a formal warning, THEY do. Enjoy your banhammer and your AIDS, pussy.

4.

The official 2008 dariabomb

2008-03-02T15:18:00.000-08:00

The 2008 dariacon was this last weekend...and i dunno..like 6 people showed up. One of them isn't even a member of the community, but RLobinske's wife. So.....5 daria fans sitting in an inn...fun! I am just so glad I didn't waste my money on this. Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I'm sure the feeling's mutual, I know how loved and appreciated I am, but come on, 5 people? I mean this thing was planned for 2 years! I guess the timing was really bad, it's in the middle of the school year for me and many others, the whole economy going down the tank didn't help...... And the dropping out of some of the most popular people in fandom early in the game.

And we wonder why Daria isn't on DVD. There are only 5 fans!

I'm glad the people who went had fun, but I wouldn't help but feel a little....underwhelmed if I were them. I mean, I don't even know who Shallow15 is, but he told me to fuck off today in MIRC, so he must be important! And Rlobinske, well, I've always wanted to be moderated in real life. I don't really have any against kristen/in/un/on whatever her deal is, but she's not somebody I'm dying to meet, she's a little to country fried wholesome for me. And her husband....I don't really remember why, but I don't think we get along. It's hard to keep track of all the people I don't get along with and why.

So, instead of just making fun of it, I say we plan another dariacon! And this time we make sure that all of the popular people will be there, cause if they go, everybody will go. It's like highschool or something slightly less retarded.

I will go to the next con if all or most of the following people go:

Deref: I like his accent.
Cyde: He is cyderific
Nat: She does my spanish homework for me.
Skittles: She's named after a candy that I enjoy.
Skittles' boyfriend: To keep her distracted so that I have a chance of attracting guys too
Scissors: I like his name, it's so sharp. HAHHAHAHA
Jak: Need to have something to amuse myself with
Tafka: Cause the two of us on the same continent would have to lead to something miraculous
Crazy_nutso: I like to call him nutsack
MartinUK: Somebody needs to be there for confession
Reese Kaine: I like the funny news he finds
Minky: She's really cute
Minky's boyfriend: I can't think of his name
Thea Zara: Cause she created Flame Wars
Jess: Cause she's from Oregon and "get's it"
Slobbergoat: Cause he's a slobbery goat
Dervish: Cause she'll keep bogeyman away
TAG: He wrote for Dragonlance.

If I left you off and you know that you would be vital to me going to the next con, don't be offended I probably just forgot, or maybe I just plain don't like you. Hard to say.

"THE ANGER INSIDE ME THAT WILL NEVER DIE" - a satirical summary and denoument

2008-02-27T21:29:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: The opinions stated in this article are not necessarily those of the Daria Blandom Blog, any of its contributors other than cyde or of any site linked to this blog. Further, the author intends this article as a work of satire and, as such, will not be held responsible for any claim of libel or defamation that may arise from the article itself. In other words, get over yourself. If you're free to stick your neck out and complain, I'm free to cut it off in the spirit of satire and fair use.

Forward: In the spirit of Petey's TL;DR position paper, I will write this article in the form of an essay which I intend to be so long and unrelatable that I expect virtually no one to read it. You know... so Petey and I can have some common ground. Except for the expectations, anyway. I'm sure Petey thinks less of everyone who didn't want to listen to his cries in the night this time.

***

No matter how angry and full of vitriol Petey Guerin's "position papers" are, he'll never be anything more than a whimpering, blubbering pussy, constantly bemoaning his fate and the fate of other special education students because "dammit, life just ain't fair!!!!11111one"

Petey is the kind of person who you can't argue with. You can't even suggest that Petey may be wrong about something. He just doesn't want to hear it. You can give him gentle encouragement, constructive criticism, sage advice or a swift kick in the ass. He doesn't care. All he wants to do is blubber to all the world about how mistreated he is and expect everyone to pity him.

So, he wrote another snorefest of a 'position paper' entitled "THE ANGER INSIDE ME THAT WILL NEVER DIE" The title alone is indicative of how close to moving on with his life Petey is. It doesn't matter how much sage advice or kindly, avuncular encouragement people like Brother Grimace give him, he doesn't want to change. And because of that, we have my review. Specifically, because of that we have the tone of my review. If you want to yell and scream and act like a bitch, all the while ignoring all the advice everyone gives you, no matter how kind and helpful it is... and if you want to get the thread you posted the link to your shitty paper in locked so no one else has a chance to comment on it in a public forum, then fuck you. I'm gonna say it my way.

Guerin opens with a reference to his last shitty paper about a kid from his alma mater who planned to shoot the school up, Columbine-style. Who cares? He didn't succeed and he got sent to the laughing academy. The world is probably a lot safer now.

"THE ANGER INSIDE ME THAT WILL NEVER DIE" is filled with uninteresting anecdotes such as the one about how he ran for class president in 1986 - "AN BRAVE HISTORIC MOVE WHAT A SPECIAL ED KID DOOD!" Do you want a fucking cookie, Petey? Is your utter shithole of a life so devoid of any kind of significant achievement that you feel the need to cite one of your own failures as a 'moral victory' simply because you participated?

Guess what, Petey. Even if you won (and I guess it goes without saying that you didn't,) I still wouldn't care. I didn't care about the posturing retards who ran for class president in my high school, much less yours. What the fuck makes you think anyone would care about yet one more example of how you're a loser? Not only was it in high school, it was 21 fucking years ago! The only way I would give this any attention was if you were still in high school after all these years, and only then to make fun of you. Based on the way you go on and on about high school's injustices, that may not be too far from the truth. Is that it, Petey? Are you pissed because you're the only asshole there who doesn't fit in the desks? Are you mad because trying to get a high school sweetheart this late in the game would constitute pedophilia?

Moving along, Petey goes from boring to coma-inducing by touting the letter he wrote to "Gregory Murtha, the principal at Connetquot" about how he had grandiose plans to hold a special assembly for the faculty and students extolling the virtues of tolerance and love toward special ed students, and the call he received from " Michael Moran, the assistant principal in charge of 10^th grade" (as if these peoples' names mean anything to me) in which he was doubtlessly told, "Thanks but no thanks." Apparently, Mr. Murtha had the good grace to at least return his call, but Petey asked him to write him instead and seems shocked and affronted that a school administrator, whom I'm certain has all the time in the world to deal with every screwy jagoff who comes his way, opted not to sit down and write him a letter. I'm sure that even had Mr. Murtha written him back, Petey would've been insulted that the letter wasn't written by hand... in calligraphy... on 600 year old parchment paper... rolled up into a scroll... and hand-delivered by a young boy or eunuch that Petey could take into his lair and sexually abuse.

Apparently, that wasn't good enough, so he decided to write a bunch of letters to governors, congressmen, the fucking Pope... all asking for this kid -- the one who planned to kill his classmates -- to be pardoned. And now he's planning on sending a letter to Dubya along those same lines.

Petey then goes on to tell his entire life's story in this essay which might have been more appropriately entitled, "My Life as a Thalidomide Baby and How It Turned Me Into A Whiny Cunt"

We have stories about the time he was in kindergarten and got expelled because all he did was scream and rock back and forth. Yeah, that's unfair. You should be allowed to sit there and scream to the detriment of everyone else, shouldn't you have? This seems to be where Guerin's obscene sense of entitlement is rooted.

He goes on to tell about how he was put in the "self-contained" track where he was kept in one class except for recess, music and art. Um. You were acting like a little retarded brat. Why were you given these privileges at all? You should've been locked in a dungeon somewhere with food and water slid to you under the door.

"Oh come on, cyde! That's cruel! You wouldn't do that, would you?"

If you're naive enough to ask this question, then just click the nice big 'X' in the top right of your browser, turn your computer off and smash it with a sledgehammer. The internet is obviously not for you. OF COURSE I wouldn't do that to a child. Well, maybe to Guerin... anyway!

He goes on to tell of how he was teased. Called "neanderthal," "retard," "dummy," and "mongoloid". Hey. If the shoe fits...

He tells of how he was beaten up. How he eventually reached the breaking point. How he eventually fought back. (Whether or not he won any of these fights is currently undisclosed, but safe money is on Petey's opponents, be the fight physical or mental; he's a retard, remember?) He was told by the principal, whose full name he goes on to mention (a common theme in his papers), "If you ignore the bullies, they'll go away eventually."

If the Petey Guerin we know today is any indication, it's a safe bet that the school-aged Petey Guerin never did manage to do much ignoring.

And then Junior High started! [cue dramatic music]

Long story short, Guerin kept getting made fun of, kept getting his ass whipped and eventually got sent to a counselor. Then he decided to attempt suicide by throwing himself down a flight of stairs. I'm certain that his foolproof plan included wearing a football helmet and curling into a ball as he bounced down the stairs to reduce the impact.

Petey's mom took him out of counseling and he hasn't been back since ("of course Mother's gonna help build the wall")

And then came High School! [cue dramatic music that's even more dramatic than the last music]

The bullies came from all over the school district... scratch that... all over New York state... scratch that... all over the Northeast and flocked to Quiojkldfjkls High School with the express purpose of tormenting Petey Guerin. Petey's very own Field of Dreams. If you build it, Petey, they will come. And they'll beat the shit out of you. How sad :cry:

Later still, in his junior year of high school, Petey decided to enroll in the National Honor Society, but was turned down because he was a retard. (The "official" story was that he didn't have enough extracurricular activities) OF COURSE this was a conspiracy. Do you think they'd actually hold Petey Guerin to the of extracurricular activities standards that the rest of the society is held to? Pshaw! Fuck that! Petey Guerin is special!

Of course, Petey doesn't bother to tell the reader whether he had ever actually participated in an extracurricular activity... if his professed social life to that point is any indication, I'd say the answer is a resounding "NO" Hell, he could've put down on the application, as a goof, that he spent his time jerking off to lingerie ads in his room and they might have let him in on his sense of humor.

I have a hunch. Maybe they did reject Petey on the grounds that he was a retard. Maybe not so much mentally as emotionally and socially.

You know, if two women have the same job... and the one woman does the job and the other woman sits on her cell phone all day and doesn't do anything... and she gets fired... is it because the other woman didn't do her job? Now say the other woman is African-American. Did they fire her because they're racists now, Petey?

You want equal rights, but don't want to be held to equal standards. Guess what? If that happens, you don't have equal rights - you're gaming the system, and that's cheating, you FUCKING ASSHOLE.

The point is, if you apply to a society with admissions standards and you don't meet the standards, they aren't rejecting you on any other grounds than you don't meet the standards, so shut the fuck up, stop crying and go meet the standards and try again, douchebag.

Petey goes on to tell in greater detail about his foray into student government, getting his ass whipped some more and how he lost to some bitch in "in what was called the closest election in the school’s history; I lost by sixteen votes." In other words, he lost by sixteen hundred votes, because really. Who would vote for some retard?

He lost, demanded a recount, got told to shut up then filed a complaint with the U. S. Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights. Yeah. You read that right. Go back and read it again if you need to. Mercifully, his parents convinced him to withdraw the complaint. What a sore fucking loser.

He got on to some sort of bullshit student government committee the next year and tried to make a special education student's representative position. I'm certain he was as civil doing this as he is to the average woman in the Daria fandom because he got picked on, beaten up and threatened for his trouble.

He tried to go to prom and got picked on, beaten up and threatened. They didn't want a "retard" ruining their good time.

Yeah, Petey. It's that you were retarded, not that the squeaky wheel gets the grease... and I'm sure you were as crass and obnoxious as hell through all your attempts to become an activist. This is a reasonable assumption because you're as crass and obnoxious as hell today. Nobody wanted you around because you were a pest, an annoyance AND a retard.

He went to college and dropped out his Freshman year. Not because he was picked on, beaten up and threatened, but "because he was unhappy". Guerin had graduated high school in body, but not in spirit. From this point until now, he has allowed what happened to him in high school, combined with his disability, to serve as a crutch and an excuse for every failing he's had since then even if the two were completely unrelated. He joined a New York organization which I believe was called "Failures United by Caring, Kindly Financial Assistance Continuing their Educations," or FUCKFACE for short.

In 1990, Guerin's parents decided to move off of Long Island and to upstate New York. Guerin, in the true spirit of someone completely unwilling to let go of their miserable past, wouldn't even consider a change of venue. He went to FUCKFACE and requested that they move him into a group home. His (biological) dad scared him off telling him that he'd "have to share a room with several 'retards wearing bicycle crash helmets.'" Why the thought of living with kindred spirits scared him off, I'm not sure. Fucking bitch.

Failing this, Petey decided to move in with his biological father, "However, that also fell apart because he was slow in getting a room set up for me and on top of that he said he wanted me to stop going to FUCKFACE; he told me I was going to have just two weeks after I moved in with him to get an outside job or I was going to work for his concrete company again. I didn’t want to do that; I knew that my chances of getting a “real” job with my behavior problem were slim to none and I was sure as Hell didn’t want to work for that monster and his stupid concrete company ever again after how he mistreated me the last time. " In other words, his dad refused to coddle him the way his mother and stepfather had. He just wanted to toughen the boy up. He moved to Hudson Falls with mommy on December 14, 1990 - "The Day of Exile" Pooooooor Petey! Little bitch.

Why this rotten, entitled little scumbag was given an option at all is beyond me. His mother should've thrown him out and his dad should've allowed him to stay there just long enough to get a job pouring concrete, get on his feet and get a fucking apartment. Did I mention that Petey is a bitch?

Eventually, Petey applied for and was granted SSI, Disability, Medicare and Medicaid, screwing someone who really needed it out of the money. If it weren't for these generous boons, Petey might have been forced to either A) get a fucking job and finally grow up or B) give blowjobs to bums for crack.

Petey eventually enrolled at some community college and dropped out, but that wasn't his fault, of course.

He worked at an amusement park and got fired because of his attitude and sense of entitlement.

Petey now works at his mother and stepfather's print shop, where he's worked for the last 14 years, getting into fights with his stepfather. What a retard. I hope your stepfather has a pension plan for you, nitwit.

Basically, the rest of this lousy paper consists of making excuses for himself and other special ed kids whose peers condemned them to a life of pushing brooms, sucking cocks in back alleys and slinging crack rock. It's everyone else's fault, personal accountability be damned.

He makes excuses for the kids who shoot up schools and kill their peers - it's not their fault! They were picked on and so was I!

Well, let's take your dismal point of view and go for the obvious counterpoint:

These murderous students actually had the balls to pick up a pistol, walk into their schools and accomplish something. Why don't you hate them for getting on the front page while you descend further and further into SELF-IMPOSED mediocrity?

Society is a sham. Unless you meet a rigid, arbitrary set of circumstances which Petey Guerin has so helpfully provided, you'll never understand. Fuck you, Guerin, you whiney, pathetic little cocksucker. Who made you the grand arbiter of all that is and isn't unjust? By Guerin's standards, anyone who hasn't lived his exact life can't understand what it is to be miserable. Give me a fucking break, you self-absorbed little queen. What a prima donna!

And on he goes, presuming to tell special ed students the world over how they should live their lives. Screaming, acting out and causing just as much of a disruption as their tormentors may have. I'm certain that had "Gregory Murtha, the principal at Connetquot" allowed you your little assembly, it would've been filled with screaming, histrionics and bathos, much like your so-called "position paper" is.

At the end we see that Petey Guerin is "President and CEO" of a "corporation" called "Mark Zero Fan Fiction, Unlimited". I wonder how this little pretentious waste of time has helped Petey improve his quality of life. I use the diminutive "Petey" because that's exactly what he is - a fucking child. Petey's growth was stunted that first day of seventh grade and he hasn't aged a day since, and that's nobody's fault but his own.

Farewell Good Friend

2008-02-10T16:22:00.000-08:00

Ahmygoddess has passed away. He was a wonderful friend to me and many others. I will always remember him. I'm in too much shock at this moment to give him proper respects here, but I felt I had to post something.

You will be missed Jeff!

The Nominees

2008-01-21T17:32:00.001-08:00

Can't have a vote without proper discussion of the issues:

MJPollard: Does a lot of the "RIP somebody nobody has ever heard of" posts. Did you know that the guy who used to drive a bus from that hair band in the 80's that had one popular song died? Did you want to know? No? Exactly...that's why MJP made the list.

Docforbin: Notorious for posting something, provoking annoyance and anger and then never ever responding to any of the people who are stupid enough to respond to one of his posts. Posts spoilers for TV show nobody knows or cares about. Talks about comics in the newspaper that nobody cares about and says things like "I do what I want...just like Luann". If there was someway you could punch somebody through the internet, this guy would be dead. And there was that whole thing about his stupid high school reunion.

Wouter: Does this guy ever talk about anything except for bands nobody has ever heard of or guitars? I mean, how many freaking posts about guitars can one possibly stand? It's no wonder he has more guitars than he has had girlfriends.

Dervish: Dervish is very insightful and funny a lot of the time, but sometimes her posts are just TLDR. And sometimes with all the links, it could take a couple of hours just to read one post. I know I have better things to do, like watching 90210 marathons.

Crossada: Hmm...where to start. "My landlord wants to make repairs to my apartment" "My brand new car is tainted because somebody else sat in it that may or may have not come into contact with battery acid at one point in his life" "I hate the government but don't mind living off of it" "liberals are trying to take my guns! I need those guns to protect me from the government that is after me and my landlord who is trying to repair my building" "Liberals drank all my beer!" "Some underage girl didn't take too kindly to my perverted old man advances towards her" This guy posts every crackpot theory in the world and even if it's an article about ballerinas and sandwiches he turns into a conspiracy against him personally.

RLobinske: If 90% of his posts weren't explaining why he just locked a thread that was "getting out of hand" (i.e. people were disagreeing) he might not have made this list. Although, his fanfiction alone qualifies him. "There was this huge disaster, but michael held daria and kissed her and then everything magically turned out perfectly and the disaster went unnoticed by all"

Bluu: "People are so jealous of me and how perfect I am" "I have a problem, there is a guy who likes me like so much and i'm just way better than him and now he doesn't like me as much as he used to" This girl is attention whore the extreme, I don't know if it's because of her age, or if she is a real life Quinn (sorry Quiverwing) but she is definitely eyeroll worthy.

Derek: "Here is a picture of a train" "Here is a picture of a blue train" "here is a picture of a subway" "here is a picture of a train next to another train". Here is a picture of me beating my head against the wall.

Note: Robin Sena did not make the list for the sole purpose that it would not be fair to the other contenders. Robin Sena will always be the biggest assdiva in the world and be capable of making the most boring yet insanely mind bogglingly horrid posts possible.

NEW POLL

2008-01-20T21:29:00.000-08:00

If you have a problem with it, sue Quiverwing, it was her idea, I'm just the only one with the power to create the polls. I like to think that I'm like jesus, but not in a sacrilegious way.

The results are in

2008-01-20T21:02:00.000-08:00

Least Favorite Forum at PPMB

General	1 (4%)
Nick's Corner	10 (41%)
Deep Thoughts	6 (25%)
WMD	2 (8%)
Creative Writing	5 (20%)
The Easel	0 (0%)

Votes so far=: 24

A new poll will now be added every week. Cause it's important to get people's opinions on stuff that doesn't really matter. Feel free to suggest ideas for polls. Then I can make a poll about the worst suggestion for a poll. It will be radical.

Cause I can

2008-01-13T17:54:00.000-08:00

I made a new poll! Aren't you proud of me? What is your least favorite forum at PPMB? I mean besides the ones that didn't even make the poll because nobody important (i.e. me) ever posts in them. It's so hard to pick just one!

Congratulations to

2008-01-07T22:23:00.000-08:00

Greybird! You have won DBB's Asshat of 2007 award. Your prize is complete ostracization from Daria Fandom! Oh, if we only all could be so lucky.

You really have to commend the guy for winning by such a huge margin. Somebody should explain to Bush that this is what a mandate is.

Robin Sena came in second and Martin and Gamefreak tied for 3rd. Better luck next year guys! Guess you'll just have to try harder.

Well, that's it for the Biggest Asshat of 2007. I'd have a better post for you all, but, ya know, the writers strike and all.

Dariacon is a giant daria-bomb

2008-01-06T15:22:00.001-08:00

So...

the big Dariacon is looking like a pretty major bust. Not many people going at all. So, what are the real reasons you're not going?

I'm not going mostly because of school, it would be almost impossible for me to make it due to having to go to school 5 days a week and both Monday and Friday being required for me to be there. So that would give me 2 days, and with an 8 hour flight each way, it just seems totally unfeasible.

However, almost nobody I want to meet/like is going, I'd be more inclined to work something out if more people were going that I like.

I also gave away my free plane ticket, so I'd have to pay out of pocket and I'd rather go somewhere else.

Biggest Asshat of 2007: A Look Back

2008-01-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

So, with cynigal’s poll closing in a couple of days, I thought I could reflect a little on the events that led those names to be in that poll. So, let’s analyse the ones who got the honor and the ones who should have too. For lulz and great justice.

Greybird: Known for playing no positive role in the fandom. Used every opportunity he got to catcall fans and their works ever since he joined. This time, what he said about Thea Zara and his threat of legal action made him the front runner among the asshats of the year.

Robin Sena/Becky/Ianthe Yario/The Ghosts: Known for her bizarre posts and stupid behaviour. Lately, she’s been obsessed with cyde and his allies, and that’s getting fucking old. It seems that she has nothing better to do than living in this hell she creates in her own head. Not to mention she cannot even keep her sock puppets straight.

Starmeshelion: Known for his insanely creepy obsession with Stacy, that started getting on everyone. He refused to accept Stacy was not real, and did not want people to badmouth Stacy because “she was so pure and sweet.” Yeah, and also a fictional character. Of course, people responded with more angsty fanfiction that had Stacy suffering horrible deaths only to give the guy a heart attack. He was very stalkerish and got offended when I asked him not to flirt with me against my will. He got so butthurt over it that he called me a “whore” in a thread.

Game freak/R. Whitley/Ricky/Flameman: Known for being just plain stupid and for returning with so many sockpuppets that people thought he was sockpuppet queen Becky at some point. A typical attention whore, in the end he was just posting to get banned. His board advertisements were getting annoying. Something tells me he’ll be back this year… *knock on wood*

Martin J. Pollard: Let me refresh your memory: he stole Kara Wild's intellectual property and when she found out about it and asked him to remove what he had taken without permission, he bluntly refused to take them off his site. Instead, he decided to close OD and erase all traces of Kara Wild's existence (her stories, essays, etc.) from it. Kara had every right to do what she did, but he obviously behaved like a pompous child about it. "No, no, no!! I won't do it!! BAAAAAWWW!!! I'm leaving!!! Daria fandom is nothing without my website and YOU know it!!!"

E.A Smith: It was rumored that he left his moderator position because of an argument he had with cynigal, where he refused to answer to her points and that she was clearly winning. According to cynigal, he made the poll because she “just doesn’t like the guy.”

Honorable mentions (that should’ve been included):

cynigal: That goes without saying. For creating the DBB, because she’s a bitch.

cyde: For making Robin Sena a star. A prolific DBB and Flame Wars poster, if you couldn’t tell by now, he’s a dick.

RLobinske: As someone pointed out before, for random thread-locking and lack of a sense of humor.

I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting people. Oh well. Keep voting!

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

2008-01-03T22:26:00.000-08:00

Can't you people follow simple rules?! Why haven't you brought me shirtless Brad Pitt from FightClub? You're all sued!

And Martin's Back...

2008-01-02T20:28:00.000-08:00

Anyone want to go kiss his arse?

I thought not. How kind of him to notice how badly fandom was struggling without him there to blow hot air about. Funny that.

Martin, on behalf of the fandom you huffed out of over intellectual property theft that you never apologised for I'd like to pass on the following message. We're doing just fine without you. You can fuck off again any time you like.

VOTE

2008-01-01T20:25:00.000-08:00

Who do you think was the biggest asshat of 2007? Vote!

2007-12-30T23:15:00.001-08:00

I swear I have had the following exchange with Brother Grimace at least a good handful of times:

Me: Whatever topic i'm talking about
BG: Jak and NNJ should have SEX! (or there abouts)
Me: You obviously have no sex life (or there abouts)
BG: I don't get you, you are so mean and put everybody down. You have no self esteem and you're obviously hiding your feelings behind your attitude. You could have just asked for an apology. I don't get why women think that men even want to have sex with them, I mean, i'm way better than that. Blah Blah Blah black people. (or there abouts)
Me: Uh....right.... cause i wasn't just making a comment about what you said to me to begin with
BG: I just won't talk to you and I'm sorry for existing.

Will somebody get this guy some midol? I don't even know what his problem is with me. It's not like I go out of my way to have any sort of interaction with him and I generally don't even engage him in any sort of conversation unless he addresses me first. He's not on my immediate shit list of "attack on sight", though he's starting to move up. Besides, for somebody who is supposedly ignoring me, he sure talks about me a lot.

His comments don't even bother me. I mean, I know he's just joking. Sometimes I wish he'd vary the joke a little, but whatever, it's not something I'm going to get offended about. There isn't much that even offends me. Except people accusing me of being offended. That offends me. He just seems to be yet another person that can not handle the cynigal. I mean, is there really anybody out there stupid enough to expect me not to respond to any joke or jab at me? Why do people act all surprised and get upset about it. Don't poke the cynigal unless you want to get bitten. I didn't even say anything remotely horrible. It's not like I made jokes about his slutty dumpster baby dumping sister. I don't even know if he has a sister!

He turned a perfectly good xtian bashing into whiny bullshit. So, now instead of bashing the xtians, I have to come here and bash him instead. So really, he's brought this on himself.

In other news, Gamefreak, R Whitely, whoever tried to pass himself off as somebody else on the PPMB today. He chose the name Flameman and immediately posted about his douchy messageboard and claimed that somebody he didn't even know left it to him....hah....god you'd think it being DARIA fandom, the idiots would be weeded out a bit more. Although I do think the ppmb rules about coming back to the board after you've thrown a bitch fit and quit are kinda lame. I mean, if that rule had been in effect from the beginning there wouldn't even be any members on the board left. And it's so much fun to mock those people when they come crawling back.

rofl

2007-12-28T15:22:00.000-08:00

So I was doing some e-detective work this evening and saw something hilarious.

http://sfmb.gamerspage.com/search.php?keywords=&terms=all&author=greybird&sc=1&sf=all&sk=t&sd=d&sr=posts&st=0&ch=300&t=0&submit=Search

Greybird no longer has an account on SFMB. Lol? I wonder how long it will take for him to be out of our hair for good.

lmao.

EDIT: Not long. He doesn't have an account at PPMB anymore either.

New Rules

2007-12-23T06:46:00.000-08:00

I hate rules and I don't want to have rules, but where fucking idiots lurk, rules will develop, I mean just look at the USA. So from now on, if there is a post that you find so offensive that you just can't function in your daily life knowing that it exists, you have two of the following options:

Send me an official cease and desist from an actual real live verifiable attorney. Send this to me directly, not through another fan member.

or

Simply ask me to remove the post and explain why you want it to be removed and if I feel that your reason is valid and you've asked nicely without making any threats than I more than likely will remove it.

Rule #2:

If you can't take the heat, don't read the blog.

Rule #3:
Don't talk about the DBB.

Rule #4:
Bring me shirtless Brad Pitt from Fight Club.

I am also considering making this blog private because I'd like to keep the fucking idiots out. I think it will also cut down on the stupid flames. I never meant for this blog to be an extension of flame wars. I picked the authors because I thought they were all capable of making funny but astute observations about Daria fandom. Anybody could still join the blog, anybody that I recognized anyway, but it would cut out the retarded anonymous comments. Tell me what you think.

Hey Greybird

2007-12-23T02:07:00.001-08:00

Sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to call you a cocksucker and pederast and I didn't mean to intimate that you sit at home and watch child porn. For all I know, you're a fine upstanding member of the community. What I said was a lie, and furthermore an admittedly shameless lie. (I feel the need to reiterate this, even though I admitted as much in the blog post in question. Why anyone would think this is true and demonize you, given the aforementioned admission, is beyond me.)

There is one thing that I did mean and will not apologize to you for.

The things you said in regards to the tragic events in Thea Zara's life were cavalier and undeservingly hurtful. Given this, I am of the opinion that you're one of the sorriest, lowest forms of life imaginable. I think I can pretty safely speak for a large portion of the community in saying that you are not welcome in this fandom.

Greybird is a bleep bleep bleep

2007-12-17T10:09:00.001-08:00

Due to a recent legal threat by Greybird, I have removed Cyde’s post until I able to consult with my own lawyer. I really think this is a bunch of BS, however, I’m removing the post simply because I do not have time for this with work and school beginning again soon. Until Deref IMed me I wasn’t even aware of the threat. I’ve been out of the country and so busy with work that quite frankly Daria fandom is really not even on my radar right now and I can’t even recall the last time I have had direct interaction with Greybird. I set up the blog with the warning that it is a place that is not moderated or censored. All in all I have very little to do with this blog besides my own posting on it occasionally. I don’t control what people say on it because I do not care nor do I have the time to do so. I did not make the post and I’m not sure why I should have to apologize for it, and I especially can’t see how an apology made solely because one is being threatened to do so can be at all soothing, but if it will stop this complete nonsense then I deeply and dramatically apologize.

However, I must say that I find this entire thing entirely hypocritical considering what Greybird has said about me in the past and what was posted on the original Daria Fandom Blog about me, a blog where Greybird was a moderator/contributor. I still have copies of what was posted about me there.

So, Greybird, I have complied with your requests until I have time to speak with my own lawyer. From now on, if you have a problem with me, please contact me directly.

For those of you who care, the threat was as follows:

You, NNJ, and Cyde are in a mutual position to remove this legal issue:

~ By you (or Thea) deleting the SFMB post and any quoted portions of it,
your posting a public apology for this on behalf of SFMB, and Cyde making a
full public retraction there of and apology for his post.

~ By NNJ's deleting the DBB post and any quoted portions of it, her posting
a public apology for this on behalf of DBB, and Cyde making a full public
retraction there of and apology for his post.

I hope that you and the others will thus act to make any potential legal
efforts unnecessary, by taking both such actions within the next two days,
by 23 December.

~nonamejane

The Ghosts

2007-12-16T17:38:00.001-08:00

In order to avoid clogging the DBB with a whole bunch of posts about the same group of idiots, I've created a blog which will specialize on bashing The Ghosts. Please feel free to come in and have a look around, and don't forget to eat some shit and die.

If you'd like to be a contributor, please drop me a PM at one of the boards and we'll set things up.

Thank you and have a nice day,

cyde

I Am The Ghosts' Most Wanted

2007-12-11T19:35:00.000-08:00

Ok, it's one thing to be a delusional fucking fruitcake. This fandom has more than its share of them. The Ghosts, on the other hand, take it to almost dizzying extremes. It seems that for the last four months, these ambulating turds have researched every aspect of my life, recorded every move I make and formulated wild, wacky and crazy theories (involving me) about every bad thing that happens to them, all because I flamed Ianthe Yario and trolled Becky's board two or three times.

Because of this, I seem to have become this evil overlord whose entire life's agenda is to bring their happy little incestuous orgy and child molestation marathon (have you seen their latest member, "Apollonia" with Ghost "Wolf 359" poised to engage in rape?) to its knees.

I think that even when they know it isn't really me harassing them, they dream up ways to blame it on me. They always seem to.

Let's try to make a list of the stuff they've come up with about me:

cyde is the root of all evil.

cyde is a Mortimer Snerd

cyde has a girlfriend, Amy Wilder, whom he uses to spy on The Ghosts and Icarus.
cyde lives in New Orlens [sic]
cyde has/will have/has ever had a NowLive account

cyde got kicked off NowLive and is now on MySpace (Like everyone in the WORLD isn't)

cyde "stole" Becky's avatar and, with the help of Gamer and Quiverwing did something to Ianthe Yario's SFMB account, "forging" a profile and posting scurrilous lies about Becky and otherwise "framing" her.
cyde is a good target for incredibly bad poetry

cyde has "aunts" in his "panz"
cyde has Mariah Carey's pantyhose in his nose
cyde has "red hot rockets" in his pockets
cyde had an idea, but it died of loneliness.

cyde has a list of evil mortimer snerd allies who do his nefarious bidding, including but not limited to

Quiverwing
Great Uncle Radomil
Bliss Ticks
Dervish
Brother Grimace
Crazy Nutso
TAFKA
Ms. Kitty
Dracula
Gamer
cynigal
Hitler
Amy Wilder
Jesus
Napoleon Bonaparte

Ok, number one, who the hell is Amy Wilder? Is that supposed to be code for Kara or something? Number two, what the hell is NowLive? Nice investigative work, schmuck. You managed to get 90% of it wrong.

On the other hand, though, you DID get 10% right. And I guess that's saying something, isn't it? Isn't it?

And no, I'm not going to say what the 10% is. That would take a lot of the fun and adventure out of this little game, and I'm curious to see what these mental deficients will come up with next.

Can ANYONE figure out what this delusional retard is running her goddamn mouth about this time?

2007-12-01T21:03:00.001-08:00

Exhibit A, Exhibit B.

Ok, I think Becky has finally reached the point in her aspergers and paranoia where mental entropy has hit full swing. She and her "friends" (sockpuppets) are finally COMPLETELY LOSING IT and it's fucking great! I mean come on. Quiverwing and her admin powers on SFMB?? Jesus.

You know, this wouldn't even make a decent blog post if it weren't for their obviously gut-wrenching paranoia which has stretched on for a hilariously long time. It would seem that, by having a little harmless fun with them months ago, I've managed to send the entire hairbrained organization into a tailspin. That makes me happy. It's gotten to the point that I don't even have to troll them anymore. They're doing it to themselves. They're jumping at shadows, pointing fingers at each other, squealing like stuck pigs about being framed and making me out to be some kind of evil mastermind out to ruin them and everything they hold dear (which, in and of itself, speaks volumes about the lives these dumb assholes lead.)

In all, it's gone better than I could have ever hoped.

Every time we have choices in life, it's sort of like a fork in a road with infinite prongs, if you think about it. Each choice takes you down a different road. These assholes seem to delight in unwittingly taking the road which leads to the maximum possible lulz for me. All they had to do is stop being such irritating douchebags and let the matter drop, but for some reason they refuse. It's like watching someone with schizophrenia spiral further and further off the deep end.

It's honestly one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Does this make me evil? Who gives a fuck?

Am I a dick for loving every second of this? You betcha.

The best part is that I'm no longer the only person doing this shit to them anymore. Hell. I've stopped actively doing anything except watching and laughing... and boy am I laughing long and loud.

Ok, I'm a completely venomous monster who is rotting on the inside. I admit it. At least I admit it. :)

update

2007-11-25T15:48:00.000-08:00

I just bit my tongue and it fucking hurts and now all I can taste is blood......... and I think I like it. Beware people, I've got blood lust now.

Also with school winding down I'll have more time to start shit on the boards, except when I'm in Mexico, but I know there are others out there that I can rely on to start shit too. I was going to take my laptop, but how sad would it be if I was sitting on the beaches of Playa Del Carmen posting on a message board dedicated to a cartoon that hasn't been aired in years?

I never realized that vaya con dios means "go with god", I always thought it was a totally radical way of saying "seeya". I guess it's cause the first time I heard it was while watching Point Break and I was too distracted by sexy man abs to really consider it. No, this has nothing to do with anything, I'm just thinking about Keanu Reeves in a wet suit and my brain is coming up with filler to type.

As quiverwing pointed out on PPMB people in the USA are fat. So all y'all guys from the USA, I think this was her way of saying that you're not good enough for her. Which is totally true, but sometimes it's just kinda bitchy to point it out. Which I totally approve of by the way.

Um.. lesseee Greybird is still a pompous ass, and daria fandom is still pretty much the same as always. The Dariacon is coming up soon, to many people's reliefs I probably won't go cause it'll be a pain in the ass with school and i just gave my free plane ticket to my mom. Plus Jak isn't going, so I won't have anybody to molest. Just kidding Jak, tell your mom to calm down.

/end totally random poorly worded post

Because the DBB is where the bitch within comes out...

2007-11-22T20:17:00.000-08:00

Don't damn me
When I speak a piece of mind
'Cause silence isn't golden
When I'm holding it inside
- Guns N’ Roses

First off, I’d like to say that I’m forced to do this thing and they told me that Robin Sena will hand my IP addy to the police if I refuse!! Just kidding. You know, I was the first person who was offered to co-blog with cynigal here. The idea was fun, but then I remembered my moderator duties and declined the offer. But then I thought “What does that have to do with this blog?” Well, absolutely nothing!! This blog is in no way associated with any other place, and people are allowed to have a little fun once in a while. For the lulz, ribz and great justice!!! Actually, no, I just need the entertainment. So, here we go…

So, I was off the internet for about 5 days. I was being tortured with accounting exams (I think I did quite well though!!!). And what do I find? Well, there’s Robin Sena in a once again lame attempt to prove she lives in this condo with a bunch of losers who like to refer to themselves as “The Ghosts”. And to quote, ahem, Ronin Sena, "Now you may be wondering, "Why The Ghosts?" Simple--they say a ghost is a spirit that rises from the dead, and with the way fandom, including Daria fandom may be dying, it seems fitting we name ourselves The Ghosts, so we can lead the resurrection of fandom and Daria fandom to what it used to be. So now you know." Yeah, we also know that you cannot even keep your sockpuppets straight, Robin. You have to give Ronin some credit though: "she” wants to lead the resurrection of Daria fandom!!! She cares so much about the fandom that she hangs around with 10000000 sockpuppets thinking she fools everyone, while the rest of us know she’s a fucking retard!!! She’s probably locked in a mental institution somewhere between the US and Britain.

Latest news! According to Bliss Ticks, the curvature of a rainbow reminds one of the holy RIBZ!!!! Thanks for letting us know!! Look to the ribz, people. Look to the ribz.

In other news, friends are not supposed to point out spelling mistakes. This is the way you can tell if someone’s your true friend. If they don’t point out your spelling mistakes, it’s because they truly love you!! But be warned, if you point out a spelling mistake to someone, they’ll try to make YOU look like an idiot!! And only because you had the courage to point it out!!!! Here's the philosophy behind it: “If s/he points out a spelling mistake, s/he’s an idiot because s/he’s trying to make ME look like an idiot!!” Just fucking pathetic. So, that’s how life works, my friends. Just look to the ribz...I mean, rainbow.

Yep…I did it. I guess I should be locked up for pointing out a spelling mistake outside Creative Writing. The fact of the matter is that now people will think I’m cynigal’s clone for that... not that I’m bothered since cynigal’s awesome. (AN: You know you’re awesome, baby!!) But, what THAT tells you is how full of shitty gossip this fandom is. First you have those lame Flame Wars that people take so seriously. I mean, come on!! Would you take Ronin Sena seriously?!! Although, Robin does a great job at keeping people entertained anywhere. We just love to feed the troll. Amirite? It gets worse though, then you have people wondering about how many times Skittles and Micka have had sex since he came to visit. Not that she’d mind, since we all know she’s very open about her sex life (even during those months when there’s not really much of a sex life there)…but BETS in the chat room??!!! Who would’ve thought Derek and Brandon…

Nah, I’m just kidding. But yeah, that’s how gossip works. I should know – after all, I’m the Quinn of Daria fandom. And I didn’t even need to show naked pictures of myself!!! Maybe I must admit I am a fucking hot devil!! Just not very photogenic!!! Hell, I even outnumbered Quinn!! She had the 3 J’s: Joey, Jeffy and ….um, doesn’t matter. I’ve even had….lemme see…..1, 2….6 guys fighting over me at once!!! Those days were fun. Although, I give starmeshelion back. Just way too fucking creepy. “So, tell me, Stars. Whenever you see Stacy on a Daria episode, does your heart start beating faster and you start getting all enthusiastic and excited and nervous and your palms get sweaty, and you try so hard not to do anything embarrassing around her, even though you know she can’t see you?? Yeah, I thought so…”

B&: They see me trollin', they hatin'...

2007-10-02T17:16:00.000-07:00

With all the crying going on in that thread, I bet they thought I forgot about them. Baaaaaaw!

Page saved because we know of Becky's historical revisionism. She'll DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING. (Edit: She already has)

But you know me... I'm a mortimer snerd! It's a conspiracy! It's blackmail! It's all one big hate machine and everyone is out to get you and your shitcan board with all of the intolerance contained therein! You never stopped to consider why people protested you, only that they did... and you didn't like it!!!

As long as you acted in a manner which was fair and just, I guess it's ok.

What it is... is just (serious) business, really. Nothing personal.

Hope this helps, Becky. Just wanted you to know I still love you... and I can troll you any time I want. :-)

2007-09-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

Somebody pointed me to this thread on Becky/Assdiva's forum:

http://underground.createforum.net/viewtopic.php?t=306

She and her multiple personalities are discussing ronin again. And somebody thinks I'm a bad person. Awww. And they dis the blandom blog! It's not a place to continue flame wars! It's a place to comment on stuff that happening in the Dariaverse.

hehehehehehehehehehehehe

2007-09-29T10:54:00.001-07:00

hehehehehhehehehehehehe

Lock up your emails

2007-09-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

A close friend of mine came to me this afternoon with a doozy, as I logged on to my IM. He'd been solicited, by email, to join a new daria fan board. At present, it appears that the solicitation was an across-the-board(forgive the pun) spamming.

I took the liberty of pummelling my poor friend with questions, which I shall repost here, followed by the email in question. Of course, I'm not giving the spammer any free advertising, so the url has been removed, as has the email address of my friend. You may, however, do what you wish with the spammer's email address.

How well do you know this gamefreak person?

My most extended interaction was in an SFMB thread about handheld video game platforms in flame wars.

Does this person have any reason to believe that you are a friend, or will respond to this solicitation with good will?

I'm too lazy to flame him? Also, I sometimes answer his threads in a serious manner even though they are in the wrong place entirely.

So you are saying that this person would have no reason to believe that you would personally leap to join his/her new board, and thus would have no reason to email you an invitation to join it?

I'm saying that I have no relationship with gamefreak on a personal level and very barely at a casual one, even by internet standards.

Would you consider this solicitation spam?

If spam is a defined as unsolicited advertisements, then yes, he might as well be asking for money for his chinese viagra substitutes. But, unlike most spam, there was actual emotion to it. Was the guy pleading with me, with puppy dog eyes?

Will you be accepting gamefreak's invitation?

Naw, not worth the time to click the link.

The email in question:

Date: Mon, 17 Sep 2007 18:06:59 -0700
From: gmdljll@yahoo.com
Subject: A new Daria message board.
To: ****@****.com

Hi, It's me, a fomer member of SFMB also known as gamefreak back then. Well since I left I decided to make a message board of my own and only have four members so far. If you want to join here is the site.

***link removed***

Give it some thought.

If you too have received this email, or have an opinion on the matter, please tell us about it in detail in the comments forum.

Metaphorical Paintstained Overalls

2007-09-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm seriously starting to think that some of you watch way, way to many teen movies.

There's a recurring theme in Daria fanfic I've noticed. Namely, the "hot Daria" theme. Quick, count how many fanfics mention that Daria's really a hot chick in disguise or have a character making the observance that she's totally hot. Go on. I'll wait.

Back yet? Yeah, there's a shitload. Seriously y'all. In a page ripped straight from She's All That, most fanfic authors (including some of the more revered ones) like to reassure everyone that Daria's really really pretty and everyone else is stupid for not seeing it.

Um, helloooo? Were we even watching the same show? It's like these guys (because yep, they're mostly male) look at Daria and go, "Oooooooh I bet SHE would have been friends with me in high school!!!!!!!1111!!!11!!" and then their little primal lizard brain part goes "Friend girl= girlfriend=sexxxxxxx!!!eleventy!!!" but we have a problem. Daria's not considered attractive. But she might sleep with them. So in their minds, these people have to pay her the ultimate complement any man might pay a woman (in his mind) and suddenly make her attractive so that she'll be a good heroine and somebody who is desired because if she's desired, he can want her and not be totally weird.

But why does she HAVE to be attractive to be a heroine? Shouldn't she make a better heroine if she's unattractive? You know, by making her a more relateable character with depth and such rather than eye candy? Why do these guys think that a girl can't be a good character without being attractive to men? It's a hallmark of this community that we have a whole fuck load of "enlightened" men claiming that they're TOTALLY in touch with their femininity and great feminist men while not actually succeeding at it. To wit: If you're an actual feminist, you don't need to pretty up a girl to make her likeable. She can be perfectly likeable without being sexy and, if anything, that's undermining the actual point of the show. You know, that thing with the characters that we supposedly all enjoy? Yeah, the thing that had the pretty colors and music.

And, not forgetting where we are, you're all a bunch of fucking douchebags and whores. Yeah that's right, I mean YOU.

Define "Paternalistic"

2007-09-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.thepaperpusher.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=19371

1 : a system under which an authority undertakes to supply needs or regulate conduct of those under its control in matters affecting them as individuals as well as in their relations to authority and to each other

Daddy and Mommy know what's best for us. We would be wise to remember this, lest we make any decisions which cause us harm.

I'm fairly certain that it was a hard decision to make, but in the end concern for our wellbeing as people won out. Had we been allowed to make the decision ourselves, well... who knows what may have happened?

No Title

2007-08-27T21:31:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Signs You’re Too Pathetic To Go On Living

You check the SFMB/PPMB more than twice a day. Sometimes you just sit there hitting refresh over and over until a new post shows up and get as excited as a crackhead finding one more rock.

You really really hate people named Tom.

You have named your child/pet/car/houseplant after a Daria character.

You use Daria quotes in real life conversations. Sometimes you even manipulate conversations just so you can interject your favorite line to make you sound smart.

You have an unnatural sexual fear regarding penguins that you don’t fully understand.

You think that there is the slightest chance in hell that Daria will ever go to DVD.

The high point of your week is reading RLobinkse’s neverending fanfictions. And the worst part is that the stories are more exciting/interesting than your real life.

You constantly look for things to post on the boards just to see yourself post. Such as you were at the mall and there were two girls named Stacy and Tiffany eating lunch together. You also get excited about anything that you can somehow relate to Daria or somebody on the boards. Such as, you were driving down the street and you saw a store called “Jane’s”. Or you saw a girl wearing glasses and combat boots.

You have ever dated/fucked/masturbated to anybody from the boards.

You still devote any amount of time to a MTV show that went off the air 7 years ago.

Since you’re too pathetic to go on living, here are the top ten daria related ways to kill yourself:

Strangle yourself with a shoelace from a combat boot

Eat only frozen microwavable lasagna

Converse with a cheerleader and jock until your head explodes

Get stranded in a hurricane

Fall asleep while driving

Pay somebody to run up and down your spine with sharpened track spikes

Spend time standing under goal posts

Pierce your brain

Overdose on psychotropic berries

Walk down the street and burst into flames

Common Lies in Daria Fandom (1st in a series)

2007-08-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

Let's start with the biggest lie in Daria Fandom:

"I was like Daria in High School"

Sure—you were a hot-but-hiding-it teen girl with refined literary tastes who used her sharp tongue to back up her principles and who had a good friend. The people who say this were and are unpopular dorks with bookshelves full of stuff Daria would consider trash and no guts face-to-face, which is why they're all the more aggressive on the internets. The men who say this would have been Upchuck if they had the suavity; the women, wallflowers who wanted to be bitches.

Ever notice that nobody ever says they were like Jane? That's because there's a simple bullshit test against it: ask to see their art.

Not even nonamejane is like Daria. Especially nonamejane, because she hates college.

Top 10 Things ....

2007-08-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

.... that are likely to occur at the Florida Dariacon:

10. Greybird gets a turd up his ass and stomps out while ranting about how nobody takes fandom or the dariacon seriously and don't contribute anything worthwhile. Proceeds to insult everybody all the while complaining that mean people should be kicked out of fandom. Once he leaves everybody at the Dariacon will make fun of him and there will be a Greybird imitation contest.

9. RLobinkse tries to moderate the Dariacon by deleting people and censoring what they say. Gets frustrated when there isn't a button he can push to moderate real life. Realizing he doesn't have any power, jumps off the balcony. Unfortunately for the rest of us, the con is being held on the first floor.

8. EA Smith shows up and then quits the con after I make fun of him because I catch his sister having sex with Donald Duck on the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyworld. For some reason this really upsets Cincgreen and Ruthless Bunny.

7. Docforbin intermittently gives us up to the second information about his hometown. When people tell him to STFU he will stick out his tongue and say "I do what I want, I'm just like Luann."

6. Lapdance the cat runs away and joins the Disney Cast.

5. Jak will be molested by gay people. Because his parents let him meet people off the internet, and everybody knows that people on the internet like to molest 28 year olds. If he's lucky, the gay people will be women.

4. All pre-arranged discussions will end in people talking about penguins and making strange smiley faces at each other.

3. Skittlefarts will have sex with at least 5 people, not necessarily at the same time.

2. Richard Lobinske, Brother Grimace and others will sit there waiting desperately for people who want to listen to them read their fanfictions. However, people would rather listen to Docforbin's whereverhelives NY updates.

1. Everybody will walk into the con, stare at each other awkwardly for 10 minutes then go back to their rooms to check the PPMB.

I Got Banned From Becky's Shitty Board Because I Trolled It. What a Loss.

2007-08-22T17:47:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows Bliss Ticks is annoying. Bliss Ticks knows Bliss Ticks is annoying...

...but it's a harmless kind of annoying. I even think it's funny, myself. Obviously not Becky, though.

So it all started with the harmless subject of barbecue ribs - something everyone who isn't a zombie enjoys.

So, he got a little overzealous about it. No harm, no foul, right? If you have a recent copy of phpBB (or aren't using an ad-riddled create-your-own-board schmuckfest...) you know you have the option of blocking users' posts if they annoy you. This gives most people a much-needed respite from Bliss Ticks.

Ok, so he spelled it 'ribz' instead of 'ribs'. Big deal, right? WRONG. You are forgetting the one sacred tenet of The Internet: It's serious business.

So, long story short, the thread gets locked, posts get deleted, Becky cites as a reason that "Bliss Ticks might run off her members." Bliss Ticks gets upset and leaves.

Funny, no new members came and one posting member leaves. Bliss Ticks had actually contributed a (relatively) good bit to the forum (in such high brow subforums as "Art for Art's Sake" - a name which immediately warns the viewer that he or she is in the presence of TRUE culture and to tread softly.). Considering the entire message board has all of 15 members, it needed all the help it could get.

So I joined and spoke out in the "Gripes" forum about the injustice of locking posts, deleting posts and basically raining on the parade of one eccentric little guy.

Thread got locked.

I did a 50 Hitler Post in response, again in the "Gripes" forum, daring Becky to leave it up if she had the courage to accept criticism.

Thread got edited.

I told her, "Fuck you, I'm going to boycott your shitty board."

I got banned. Banned for being a square peg in Becky's round, disgusting hole.

So here we are, ladies and gentlemen. I took screencaps of everything for posterity. Let me know if you want to see them and I'll put up a gallery.

In the end, Becky asked me this question: "Would Thea and Kara put up with such rubbish, if you did that to them? Not a chance!"

The obvious answer? You aren't Thea or Kara. A long way from it, in fact. Love or hate them, they're actually decent admins of their respective boards. I wouldn't do it to them in the first place.

Bottom line? Boycott Becky's board. She wrote about fifty percent of the posts herself, lulz! It isn't worth it to cater to this kind of garbage.

Update: It looks like Becky has spent the last twelve hours on damage control on her board, deleting and editing posts and altering threads in an inept and fickle-fingered attempt to spin what happened in her favor and the rest of her spare time dreaming up "witticisms" with her sock puppet Inathe Yario to go in the comments section of this blog. Fucking pathetic. Why the two members of her board put up with her historical revisionism is a mystery to all.

lol: I'm done oppressing Becky. She and her sock puppets may feel free to continue posting their inane comments to this blog without fear of further deletion. Funny how a bunch of halfwits started weighing in about how the deleted posts seemed to be a harbinger of the apocalypse for this blog. The one thing they didn't realize, which they WOULD have realized if they had read and paid attention: I did it for the lulz.

How Stupid is "Too Stupid"?

2007-08-20T11:34:00.000-07:00

The answer, in this case, is "Fetal Alcohol Syndrome" stupid, also known as "Ianthe Yario" stupid or, simply "Becky" stupid.

Has anyone else noticed the almost overpowering wave of 'stupid' which has hit the fandom in recent months? You have? Thought so.

Originally, it was just Becky, and she was (more than) enough. Then came Game Freak... and Ricky... and R.Whitley -- a cavalcade of sock puppets, seemingly in place to piss everyone off... and doing a good job of it.

The focus, however, is on Becky/Inathe Yario who, I have on VERY good authority, is the same person, despite protestations that it is not.

You see, the problem Becky has is that's it's simply too stupid to present a convincing or compelling argument to counter the allegations of sock puppetry. I think the inbreeding in its family is so deep and sustained that by the time Becky was shat out, the brain had become, essentially, a vestigial organ, evidenced in her breathtaking participation in threads such as this, this and this (and by extention, this).

In a post on Flame Wars, I compared Becky Yario to "the van Gogh of stupid". I'm beginning to realize how appropriate this comparison is as time goes by and more posts are made.

UPDATE: Quiverwing wins.

Gah! What?

2007-08-18T01:38:00.000-07:00

I guess I have posting access too. Oh, you all suck & can go die or something. That's what you were expecting, no?

Well let's see, what's the gossip? Blistex appears to have a multiple personality disorder, if his posts in various voices in Flame Wars on the fluff are anything to go by. I mean shit, I'm the queen of reinvention, but this is freaking ridiculous. At least his current voice is just boring as shit, rather than randomly violent like the last one was. I'm taking a pool on the next voice to show up - I'm calling pompous outrage seasoned lightly with watered-down vitriol. All bets should be placed in the comments section or at Flame Wars on SFMB.

Lemme see, what else is exciting? Nothing. Oh well, I guess that's the way Daria fandom has always been - dull & harmless with the occassional shitfight just in case you started thinking of pissing off to more exciting fandoms or something. Nothing like familiarity, huh?

*I can has edit? Cool!

I can has blogz now plzthx.

2007-08-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

Finally! I can blog! I managed to register!! I am teh roxorz.

I wish I had something to say. :-(

xxxx=yyyy

2007-08-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

Have you heard? It's lost its humor. It isn't funny anymore. We should stop because R-Lo has decreed so from on high. In a way I feel better, actually. With R-Lo there to adjudicate what is and isn't funny, that takes a lot of the responsibility off of me. What's more? He's the perfect judge of what is and isn't funny, given that none of his posts have so much as made me crack a grin.

Apparently the unfunny joke is "continuing or acerbating" a situation. A situation which, might I add, is more than likely one that R-Lo just flat out invented to give himself an excuse to be paternalistic again. I guess when your wife wears the pants in the relationship, you need to have some measure of control somewhere, so I guess molesting children and being a big shot on an internet message board will do. SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!

Is that fair for me to say? Probably not. Do I give a fuck that it isn't fair? Definitely not. Is it true? I doubt it - it's a fucking JOKE. (now watch, the internet detectives will be called out to investigate in preparation of an internet lolsuit for libel because I said that R-Lo likes to touch little boys. El Oh El - SFB.)

Anyway, my only advice to you, the plebes, is to proceed with caution. There's a new sheriff in town and he won't hesitate to let you know when the jokes told in HIS jurisdiction are funny or not, even if he wouldn't know 'funny' if it ran up and raped his face.

What an asshole, gee that's too bad.

The Current Crisis in Daria Fandom

2007-08-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

I was luxuriating in the kidney-shaped jacuzzi in my private suite at the Bellagio while Stacy Rowe worked magic with her mouth on my swollen member when Trent Lane interrupted us.

"Mr. MacWhatever, you have a call."

Stacy had just begun an accelerando on the way to a final cadence, and so it was difficult to reply. "TTTRReeenTTTTT, CA-Ca-CA-CAN'T Yyyou SEE WE'RE BUSY HERE?"

Trent replied with the only phrase that would guarantee my attention. "nonamejane is on the phone."

nonamejane! Business would have to be combined with pleasure. "BBRRIING ME THE GODDAMN PHONE ALREADY THEN!"

I heard him turn and walk away just as Stacy changed tempo from molto vivace to presto and I hoped her virtuoso performance would be concluded before having to take a phone call from her eminence, but just as the major moment seized me, I found a phone thrust into my ear.

YYYEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH?" I screamed.

"Still entertaining—or being entertained by—the talented Ms. Rowe, eh Scissors?" There was no mistaking that voice. nonamejane may write like some saucy, hard-done-by-life grrrl, but elocution will out; nonamejane is a young lady of some breeding, and about as far from mal élevée as Lady Catherine de Bourghs fancied herself from Elizabeth Bennet; nnj even pronounces the final t in didn't. But for all her sophistication, she was not sheltered, as her next outburst proved.

"Scissors, Daria Fandom is in danger of becoming Daria Blandom! Where there was once a surfeit of knaves, fools, and churls, there is now a paucity! Against whom shall I sharpen my talons, if not these?" She paused for emphasis and then quoted Pope's "Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot":
You think this cruel? Take it for a rule:
No creature smarts so little as a fool.

In my best imitation of Dick Powell trying to sound like Humphrey Bogart, I said, "I'm on it, babe."

"Stop trying to sound like Sam Spade," nnj replied. "It doesn't suit you. Now make haste!" she enjoined, and rang off.

Stacy held out a bathrobe for me, licking a bit of my essence, undiluted by rain water or flourine, from the hollow beneath her lower lip. "How was that, Mr. MacWhatever?" She needed to know that she pleased me, but I had pressing business.

"We've gotta save the pillow talk for some other time, sweetheart," I said, strapping my rod beneath the robe. "I gotta job to do, and it can't wait!"

Trent sullenly held the door for me. I felt sorry for him at times like this: bad enough that nnj had broken up Mystik Spiral when she brought Nick and Jessie under her spell, but when his sister succumbed—but here he was, my house boy, which meant he had something of the stiff upper lip about him. Somehow, he understood what it was to serve your betters, and here he was: they also serve who can't stand serving those who serve the one who seduced their sister into Sapphic love, or something like that.

After a brief embarrassment in the hall, I got some clothes on and dashed out of my room and through the private area for the high rollers, where I collided with Bill Bennett, who was pumping $1000 chips into a slot machine. The slot machine looked happy, but Bill didn't.

"Where are your manners, Snips?" he snarled. "You gotta get the pull on the lever just right—"

"Can't talk!" I cried. "The game is afoot! Loved your book!"

Finally, I stepped out into the pouring Vegas rain, stuck a hand-rolled cigarette in my mouth, and searched my pockets for Velma's number. If anybody was hip to the lost souls and losers in this town, it was Velma. She'd seem Down By Law at least fifteen times.

"Are you just happy to see me, or did you just buy some tube socks?" she smirked.

"No time for pillowtalk, babe," I purred, removing her earlobe from my lower front teeth. "I need a line on some paying customers."

Just when you think a dame is hardboiled, she crumbles on you. Her eyes went wider than Britney Spears' thighs. "Murder?" she whispered.

"Sure," I replied. Why give her any more nightmares, I figured. She had been a waitress, and a good one, until a Samoan lawyer propositioned her and ended up taking a pie from her with a machete. "But don't worry, you're out of the picture. Person I'm looking for is not in that tropical island mood when he's got blood on the brain."

"I don't get a lot of return business, Snips, you know that." She tugged at the hem of her pleated skirt and pulled her green jacket around herself more tightly, as if a cold wind were blowing from the north.

"But you get some, yeah?"

She nodded. Her eyes, usually enlarged by her coke-bottle-bottom thick glasses, were distant and afraid.

"Any of 'em stop coming recently? Say they were getting a real life?"

Her face lit up like a pinball machine. "Yeah—one guy, big, round, kept on wanting to play this game where he gets me a soda."

Jackpot! I was halfway across town before I realized I hadn't gotten his address from Velma. She had a customer, but she left the straight dope on a Post-It^TM note on the mailbox down the block.

It was an address on the Upper East Side. Good thing I was wearing my wingtips.

As brownstones go, it couldn't have cost more than $15 million and it probably only had the one ballroom. I felt for the poor deprived soul who had to make do there.

"Come in out of the rain, my boy, you must be soaked!" He was wearing silk-pajamas, a fez, and carried a horsetail fly switch. He led me through a kitchen where a sullen, well-muscled young man rolled a Player's Navy Cut cigarette idly between the fingers of one hand while picking at a salad with another. "'Sup." he said.

"'Aight." I replied.

He nodded approvingly and continued to pick at his salad. "You must forgive Chester," my host told me.

"Do I look like a priest?"

He laughed. "No sir—you look like a Daria fan and a friend of Velma's." He went to his amply stocked bar. "Brandy?"

"Never met her."

He shook his head. "A pity," he said, pouring himself a generous Armangac. "Now, I suppose that you, Mr—Mr&mdash"

"MacWhatever," I replied, lighting the handrolled cig I got out of my pocket in Vegas.

"Ah! Is it Scissors MacWhatever? A pleasure to be host to...how shall I say this? The author of such exquisitely obscure works. And so few of them at that—one must consider the œurve of, say, a Pierre Menard before finding an author whose catalog is so similarly small."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," I said, spreading my legs. "And you are—"

"My name is Gutman—Kaspar Gutman, at your service." He sat down on a short chaise longue. "I suppose you are here about my precipitous and, shall we say, uncouth departure from Daria fandom? Well, what is it Heraclitus says? ψυσις—"

"&phiυσις," I corrected.

"Eh? Ah, yes, forgive me—&phiυσις κρι&piτεσθαι &phiιλει," he went on. "Nature loves to conceal itself for its own ends. My boy, my interest in the misadventures of Ms. Morgendorffer as she navigates the foibles of a world demonstrably cruder than even our own was only a means to an end. I was looking for a community, one filled with eccentrics with occult—in the true sense of hidden, not the vulgar sense of magical—knowledge." He opened a book of stamps. "Does this give you an idea of what I'm seeking?" Using a pair of glittering zircon-encrusted tweezers, he took from its sleeve on the page a stamp that appeared to be a mint specimen of a stamp of Warren G. Harding—except instead of reading UNITED STATES POSTAGE about the profile of that unfortunate man, it read UNITED STATES HOSTAGE.

"This is a forgery—I mean a forgery of the original forgery," Gutman said, likcing his lips. "If you recognize this, you'll understand—"

"The lost irregularities from the stamp collection of Pierce Inverarity," I said, my voice all hushed tones. "The most famous collection of forged stamps in history."

"Yes—lot 49, as we philatelists know it from the name of he auction lot it composed, and which mysteriously disappeared, along with the executrix of Mr. Inverarity's estate."

"But why Daria fandom?" I asked, and realized the answer to the question at once.

"How is it you hide something? Well, Mr. MacWhatever, you hide it in plain sight. Something in plain sight is taken for granted, only partially understood, indeed, only paritally known. It is soon taken for a myth, and the real traces of its continued existence are taken for parts of another whole, or even unrelated aspects of diverse pheneomena—you see? The only people who would have the facts would not know their true significance. Those given to drama might say such knowledge drives men mad, but in fact, it is the other way around: the people who notice such things would be odd, eccentric, peculiar from the start. Oh, Mr. MacWhatever, I've haunted the margins of society for many years looking for the last piece of the puzzle, and it was among the Daria fans I found it—come and see..."

I followed him towards an archway in the sitting room covered by a heavy velvet curtain. With a grand gesture, he drew the curtain aside and bid me enter.

It was dark. I knew that collectors of drawings and photographs had to keep them in low light to preserve them, and I thought I would only get to glimpse these storied stamps by some dim diffuse light, if any. But suddenly the room was lit by a harsh florescent glare—

—And before me stood Stacy Rowe, gun in hand, and a mad expression on her face.

"You should have trusted your first instincts, Scissors," she chortled. "You thought nonamejane was losing her edge by making you an author at the Daria Blandom Blog, but your vanity convinced you that wasn't so."

"I'm sorry, Scissors," Gutman said. "I could have loved you like a son, but you know too much already. Never mind it makes no sense to you—we mustn't take chances."

My mouth was dry. "So the stamp collection—"

"Is of no moment to me, or to Ms. Rowe, or to nonamejane." He paused. "Or, for that matter, Velma."

"Right," I said. "So this—this—"

"This is goodbye, Scissors," laughed Stacy, and the next thing I knew—

Tom looked up from the story on the computer and said:

Shit List

2007-08-10T15:38:00.000-07:00

My Current Shit List in no particular order

Bliss Ticks--- Cause he's like an inside joke that's funny for a while, then not so funny, then sad.
Becky-etc--- This really goes without saying.
MJ Pollard---I picture him being just like the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.... without the witty remarks.
Greybird--- Hypocrite. Yeah, I'm a fucking ass, but at least I admit it!
Angelinhel--- Can't correctly spell "hell".
RLobinske--- Anybody who uses their first initial and last name is a pretentious fuck who gets off on having small power over people.
Brother Grimace--- Creepy, obsessed with my sex life and sex in general. Tends to play the race card. Cries when somebody beats him at a game he started.
CharlieGirl--- Thinks sweeping is a challenging activity. Brooms probably have a higher IQ.
Gearhead--- Hasn't been around for a while, but I remember not liking him, though I don't remember why.
smk--- Appears to have a fear of vowels. Or perhaps is using initials. I hate initials. Spell it out beyotches.

My shit list changes daily.

The sock puppet mystery unfolds further.

2007-08-09T22:31:00.000-07:00

THIS JUST IN: A source close to me has confirmed that R.Whitley=Game Freak=Becky=Ricky

The whole thing goes full circle. What do you think the "R" means? Ricky!

UPDATE: R.Whitley has added a sigline: "a.k.a. "gamefreak"", leading one to wonder why it bothered creating a goodbye thread or re-registering... or why it didn't just use the old name.

The convoluted bullshit explanation (see also, "lie") can be found here.

UPDATE AGAIN: After a thoroughly unimpressive six day run, the account and posts of R.Whitley have been DELETED.

2007-08-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

Hmmm,

My bad, I didn't realize I had to "okay" comments. I will try to figure out how to turn that off, cause like I said, post whatever you want.

2007-08-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

Me: This happened to me today and I think it's sad.

Random ppmb drone: You're EVIL!! You are epitome of bad and need psychological help cause you don't like killing squirrels but say sarcastic things to people.

Brother Grimace: You guys clearly want to have sex with each other

Me: BG, you need to get laid and stop focusing on my sex life

Brother Grimace: You're EVIL!! You are epitome of bad and need psychological help cause you don't like killing squirrels but say sarcastic things to people.

Me: Ohhhhhhhhhkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Perhaps if I go out and kill squirrels for fun, these two will STFU?

Second post

2007-08-02T16:24:00.000-07:00

People that are annoying me at the moment:

Bliss Ticks- He started out ok, he was kinda funny and nice enough. Then he started getting weird. He started that stupid "I win" thing which was funny for like... well, it was never funny. Then that stupid emoticon he always uses. I hate emoticons anyway, I consider them the lowest form of communication possible. Now he seems to be on rollercoaster of being either a regular asshole or being a self righteous asshole who calls other people assholes.

smk- before yesterday I had no idea who this person was. I still don't, but apparently he knows who I am. He has jumped on the "nonamejane is ruining fandom" bandwagon so recently created by Cincgreen and his fucking bitch of a wife. When asked for proof to back up his claims, he floundered and went the oh so mature route of "i don't have time for this" and sarcastically said that I am the epitome of good to end the fight he could not finish.

Gamefreak aka Becky aka Ricky- Uh... it was bad enough when there was just one of them. Assdiva and her aliases can't spell, can't speak, post the dumbest shit possible, and should just be banned. They aren't the amusing type of stupid, just stupid.

I just realized that there are far too many people that annoy me to list all of them.

Recent gossip!

Gamefreak has quit the SMFB for some reason that is apparently my fault. The only thing I can think of is that he came into flame wars, and I flamed him...once. Thank god his alias Ricky joined right before he quit, or we would have been rid of him. Oh,
and good news! I got a PM from Gamefreak that said "Just wanted you to know that I forgive you, but I'm not Becky or Ronin all right. :wink: Don't be mad with this PM message" Thank god he has forgiven me. I couldn't sleep last night because of it. And rest assured Gamefreak, I am not mad with the PM message. I would be mad at you perhaps, if you were real and not the figment of Assdiva's imagination.

The Daria Fandom Blog has closed. I'm sure we're all devastated. There have too many recent dramatic "oh I can't take the horrors of this fandom anymore" episodes. MJ Pollard, EA Smith, Gamefreak and Cincgreen and Greybird. Unfortunately MJ Pollard is still hanging around, and Greybird came into an IRC chat last weekend, though left right away. I don't know about Cincgreen, beyond his wonderful summation of me on his blog, I don't think we've ever interacted before. Apparently middle aged fat men have little else to do than be melodramatic on Daria message boards/blogs. You know they'll all be back, and then once again bring up how they can't believe they've come back to the horrible backstabbing world of Daria fandom and how they can't believe they gave the rest of us urchins another chance to be associated with their smug asses.

Bliss Ticks posted something about how there shouldn't be "hit lists". Because he is too stupid to realize when somebody is joking.

uh... more gossip later, with witty comments next time, when I actually read the boards!

Welcome to the Daria Blandom Blog

2007-08-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

So, I created this cause I feel like there needs to be a place where people can come to view stupid things that people have said, read my opinion about people and a general place for gossip. I know how busy everybody is and how hard it is to keep up with these important aspects of the Daria community, so I am selflessly devoting myself to putting it all here. Miss out on a great flame war? Don't know who's having cybersex with who? No fear, all details will be provided here. This is of course assuming that my attention holds.

Rules:

Uh... there aren't any.

Feel free to submit posts, gossip, thoughts, flames to me via e-mail at nonamejane@yahoo.com. I may or may not post them, depending on if I like you or not.