Sunday, May 18, 2008

A new meaning for "too much information/who cares"

Turns out that Crossada was celebrating an anniversary last Friday. On May 16, 1986, he threw up in his bed after drinking too much - yep, you heard it: on May 16, 1986. Who the fuck remembers the exact date they puke? And he even described his puke as "real Linda Blair in The Exorcist stuff." Apparently, his puke was green, pea soup-like.

But that's not all! He told us he's still sleeping on that exact same mattress. Yep, for 22 years. Did we really need to know that he's been sleeping on a puke-filled mattress for, literally, as long as I've been alive?

He mentioned that in 22 years, he has not managed to put aside enough to buy a new vomit-free mattress mattress. Now I wonder, in the past 22 years, how much has he spent on guns and ammunition? I believe mattresses are less expensive than firearms...you do the maths.

Sure that, now that the subject of guns was brought up, he couldn't help it mention how the US presidential candidates are outright fanatically hostile to civilian gun owners - even puke-filled mattress are somehow connected to guns. Zzzzz...

12 comments:

cyde said...

Crossada is a real nasty piece of shit. For one thing, who keeps a mattress and box springs for 22 goddamn years even if it ISN'T full of puke?

Throw that ratty motherfucker in the dumpster, asshole, and pawn some guns.

sockpuppy said...

Damn, I never thought I'd say this, but I regret voting for Guerin as most boring poster.

Anonymous said...

I'd be more likely to sleep on the floor than on a puke-filled mattress. Which begs the question, how disgusting would his floor have to be that the mattress is still the better option in this scenario? Jeezus....

[Please note that the above question is a hypothetical. I have no desire whatsoever to discuss how dirty his floor is.]

Anonymous said...

Everyone's tired of that motherfucker, but no one has the balls to say it. That says a lot about people in Daria fandom...

Anonymous said...

What does it say? That most of realize that he doesn't really want to truly be helped anymore, so we ignore him?

Anonymous said...

If people truly ignored him as you say, no one would reply to his threads. Yet, people reply to him, and he keeps posting the same shit over and over because he thinks people actually care about his pathetic existence.

Anonymous said...

"May 17, 1986:
Dear Diary:
Yesterday, after a bout of serious drinking, I puked all over my bed in an attempt to emulate the special projectile vomiting effects used in 'The Exorcist'. No matter how hard I tried, my head was unable to do a 360. But the quantity hurled was quite impressive and the coverage was thorough. I did have sufficient foresight to put my weapons in an area secure from contamination and yet easy to reach, should any liberals breach the perimeter. Stretched out across the green stained fabric, I began to dream. I was on my knees crawling toward the great white porcelain throne of Ralph, the God of Drunken Vomiting. As I approached, I heard Ralph's mighty voice: "Crossada, dost thou wish to enter My kingdom?" "With all my liver, I do!" "Then you must prove your worthiness. For the next 22 years you must sleep on the mattress you have consecrated to Me. You may do some remedial cleaning of the bedding, but the mattress must remained stained until that day. Do you understand Me? In My Heaven you will be free to consume mass quantities of alcohol, relieve your self in any manner you wish and be praised for your political opinions." "That's great, O Great Ralph, but..." "Fear not, for sport you will be provided with assault rifles and allowed to hunt liberals. In this, you will only be limited by your imagination!" As I thanked Him for this great boon, I heard the sound of a mighty retch as I returned to semi-consciousness. It was me, sealing the covenant in the only way Great Ralph accepts.

the nightgoblyn said...

You know, I somehow managed to completely miss this thread. I was totally, blissfully unaware of it.

Now I hate you all.

Anonymous said...

MOST of us ignore him... its the handful of people that keep talking to him that are making the rest of us suffer

Anonymous said...

He needs to get laid. Except no woman will have anything to do with him because he doesn't do drugs. (His mattress has nothing to do with it.)

floopyboo said...

That mattress probably has a special hole carved in it, thus the reluctance to give up his 'special friend'.

Anonymous said...

Uh oh! No more ganging up on Cross! Whatever will we do now?