Wednesday, December 10, 2008

"Blog" is short for "Butt-Log"

Where the shit has everyone gone? It's like overnight you people all got lives and that's surely statistically impossible since you're all fifty-something texans who collect chilli cans and swap monkey pie recipes.

Anyway apparently the remaining people should be envying the apparently dead since they're lame and do nothing but talk politics in jibber jabber all day, which is up there with masturbating farm animals for fun and profit - it's enjoyable at the time but when you look back you realize that you probably liked it a bit too much and now you're all covered in horse spooge.

It's boring like if you were a spider but couldn't spin a web and then you sat down and decided to write a webcomic but realized that spiders can't write jokes and dogs can't look up, so with that formula in the mix you decided to become a ballerina but broke a toe and ended up working in a printing press where you checked the newspapers for misspellings of the letter "A".

Pissflips.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

haha

Maybe later. :)

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Non-Alchoholic Donkey Punch

ITP: Slobberhouse complains about safe topics that aren't going to offend anyone since he's a lazy fat nigger that is boring and uncreative, but still way more awesome than you. 

I hate everybody. And I especially hate you (By "You" I mean Johhny Noxville). Nonetheless, of the everybody I hate I must say that half of the P-Pusher Messageboard falls under the guise of particularly strong hate. To put it into perspective, imagine if you were a purple cinderblock made of gorilla biceps drinking cups of coffee, only the coffee was made of racing cars. Sometimes I hate the PPMB eighty-twelve times more than that.

Some other times I pretend that I'm a banana being chased by a mob of midget Ron Jeremies. Sorry, what?

Now it would be all tea and schlongs if anything on the PPMB seemed to ever actually approach the point of non boringosity, but the closest thing to a heated exchange of drama that has happened there since the dawn of time (Circa 1982 AD) is a vaguely vague argument that was vaguely about swearing in posts. While I refuse to soil the sweet air with vile cursing, I have to say that sometimes PPMB's fucking cunt ass members are gay shitbitches. Niggercocks.

This outburst of colorful wordsmithy brings up another thing - what the hell is it with all this overly-friendly, passive-aggressive anal oilslickery that seems to permeate the whole fandom? If you don't like somebody, tell them the rational way - order a mafia hit on their family, burn their house down and run their dog over with an economy car made in france, instead of ranting on behind their backs like a lame-ass sack of dog bones that has a fetish for sexytight boy bodies.

PS: Ham. Delicious.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Where must the line be drawn?

What is that step too far as far as chat room courtesy goes in our great fandom channel? There is quiet discussion about the idea, mostly at my instigation, about that in #daria this week. I did forward a motion to outline a set of behaviour guidelines this week, but I have yet to hear if it was quashed or carried. Said motion was seconded & thirded, the seconding surprised me since it was in part the seconder's behaviour that helped convince me that the guidelines needed to be outlined in the first place, although it wasn't his behaviour this day that irked me.

My main drama is that people push way beyond what is acceptable outside of certain government institutions where occupancy is mandatory, and I've felt the need to withdraw to avoid certain obnoxiously behaviong persons.

The issue that brought this to a head was rather icksome to be sure, and I am certain that it is not appropriate behaviour outside of an s&m chat or a tourettes support group. I'll end* this post with the suggestion that in discussion chatters from #daria discuss what they think is inappropriate behaviour in the channel, and where that line can be drawn.


*ETA: That while sexually harassing chatters with violent descriptions of what you are going to do to them is apparently a grey area, it is black & white that publishing said interaction is a black one, so removed because I don't want to give jerks like that the satisfaction of having my arse banned for highlighting their douchery. If you missed it & want to know, ask me privately.

Friday, June 13, 2008

First Post

Despite the fact that I've been a member of this blog for awhile, I haven't really felt a genuine need to post (I do enough of that on PPMB and SFMB). I've felt a need to address what's kept me from doing anything beneficial to the community. To put it short, I've been busy. Mostly learning new things, but I've also been trying to find work. But in my spare time I've been working on the following:

Planning the webcomic. Yes, it's been an entire year since my last comic and I'm not proud of it. Most of my problems have stemmed from life in general (Trying to find work, dealing with family, wondering how I was going to make any kind of revenue from a Daria comic strip, etc....), but other problems arose from a secondary desire to learn......

Trying to learn CGI. Someone ultimately decided that cartoons are dead, and computer animation was the only way to make money in film and television without hiring big-budget actors or actors-on-a-budget.....or any actors. I have some ideas in mind, and I'm hoping they can come to fruition before the end of the decade.

Kicked a nasty habit. For the greater part of the first quarter of the year, I became addicted to an old MMORPG called Redmoon Classic. I ultimately realized that the game was not worth wasting my nights on, and could be spent doing other worthwhile things. Apparently, I have to take baby steps, since I found myself playing Neverwinter Nights.

Started blogging on Screwattack. Since I've become a fan of the Angry Video Game Nerd and the Video Game Vault, I've found myself disturbed by the lack of intelligence in their fans, and felt this need, as a gamer, to defend the gaming community from itself. So I'm trying to bring creativity and original thinking to their dinner table every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Needless to say, it's a very slow start.

Trying to keep #Daria afloat. Obviously, this isn't hard to do, since 95% of the populace have common sense. But there is that one stupid fuck..........

Last but not least: FINDING WORK. It's been two years since leaving Kroger, and Red Reese needs food, badly. And one way to solve that is by paypalling money to reesekaine@gmail.com, or help me find work that actually lets me earn money at home, and not be a goddamn scam, seeing as how even McDonalds won't hire me. Sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I wish I had more options, but it's just not easy here in West Virginia, a place that hasn't recovered since Reagan's financial raping of our country, made worse by Bush Jr's criminal actions. I'm going to stop there before I get political, there's other places for that.


But yeah, that's what's been going on on my end.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

A new meaning for "too much information/who cares"

Turns out that Crossada was celebrating an anniversary last Friday. On May 16, 1986, he threw up in his bed after drinking too much - yep, you heard it: on May 16, 1986. Who the fuck remembers the exact date they puke? And he even described his puke as "real Linda Blair in The Exorcist stuff." Apparently, his puke was green, pea soup-like.

But that's not all! He told us he's still sleeping on that exact same mattress. Yep, for 22 years. Did we really need to know that he's been sleeping on a puke-filled mattress for, literally, as long as I've been alive?

He mentioned that in 22 years, he has not managed to put aside enough to buy a new vomit-free mattress mattress. Now I wonder, in the past 22 years, how much has he spent on guns and ammunition? I believe mattresses are less expensive than firearms...you do the maths.

Sure that, now that the subject of guns was brought up, he couldn't help it mention how the US presidential candidates are outright fanatically hostile to civilian gun owners - even puke-filled mattress are somehow connected to guns. Zzzzz...

Monday, May 12, 2008

Boring, boring, boring

Seriously, can't Crossada be more boring? "I sold one of my guns", "My neighbours have a dog", "Everyone's after my guns", "Right-wing vs. Left-wing conspiracy theories", "I have a car now", "My landlord wants to make repairs to my apartment", "Dad wants to go to a nursing home", "I went to emergency room", and those neverending rants in Nick's Corner about guns and liberals are getting fucking old. The guy expects people to reply to his uninteresting threads and yet he hardly ever replies to anyone else's threads - unless they involve guns, of course. And if the threads others start do not involve guns, it doesn't matter! He always finds a way to connect them to guns.

What is really annoying is when he picks random quotes that fit his point of view to reply to threads. I mean, come on, people are responding to him not to George Washington or some other famous guy he quotes. On top of that, he's so oblivious he cannot even tell when people have had enough of him. Just take a look at this recent thread of his, entitled "Finding new, exciting ways for everyone to be racist". First off, the topic. Was there a need to raise such a controversial topic? For the #57834 time? Here's a summary of what happened in that thread:

Crossada - "People are racist."

[Weird. It's not about guns this time. But the thread starter is Crossada, so...]

Pollard - "Nothing new to see here, folks. Just keep moving along; the next exhibit is down the hallway to your left."

Deref (quoting Pollard) - "This way to the egress."

Brother Grimace - "Cross....Whatever. (finishes typing, logs off to go get water)"

NightGoblyn - "Stupid leftie is stupid. Got it."

Mike Quinn - "You suck at maths."

cyde - "Guys, guys! This is Nick's Corner, remember? NOBODY 'moves on' in Nick's Corner. Ever."

Gouka Ryuu replies with a random image.

Brother Grimace (also replies with a random image) - "A subtle reminder that there are greater problems in this universe to concern ourselves over than worrying about skin colors."

[In the meantime, Crossada keeps discussing.]

Quiverwing - "And even after all that's been said, it seems to be impossible for some people to get the very obvious hint."

Brother Grimace - "As for a number of the comments made here... it's better to just walk away."

Crossada - "Clearly something or other went right over my head here. Can someone dumb it down for me, so that I may laugh too?"

[All posters roll their eyes and suddenly feel the need to hit Crossada. Nevertheless, they decide to remain silent and let the thread run its course. It's just not worth it.]

I think I've made my point. He should be thankful Guerin's around, or he would've been crowned the most boring poster ever.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Is this it?

I piss off and the whole of fandom shuts down. Well what do you know, the whole world does revolve around me.

Sucks to be you.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Greybird Rectums

(The following has been peer-reviewed and considered true by over sixteen seperate members of NAMBLA. All insults are intentional.)

I'm glad you have lapses of smartyness, as I wanted to cling to the only community on the internet that doesn't consider me a loser and freak. You don't think that, right?

ASTERISK ASTERISK ASTERISK

As to the legal controversy, the internet is SERIOUS BUSINESS and litigation is the only way I can defend myself due to the way I'm an enormous pansy. The constituted defamation under my gross understanding of what libel law actually is, because the closest I've come to reading a law book is furiously masturbating to Boston Legal slashfics while wearing a pair of angel wings. Sometimes I just cry for hours after I orgasm.

The comments have since been screenshotted for graet justaice, and the parties involved have snarkily apologized to me in a manner that's actually just thinly veiled insults. This settles the matter in my opinion, as the same birth defect I was born with that makes my brain a huge pussy also makes me unable to understand sarcasm. Say, what's this community based around again?

STAR STAR STAR

I don't believe I insulted Thea at all. Even though everyone saw it as an insult and I didn't really make any attempt to apologize at all, and also decided I'd complain about flamewars again because I like to complain about things I have absolutely no vested interest in and that don't actually affect me in any way.

If anyone thinks I'm a butthurt walrus manflaps then they are probably right. Sometimes at night I curl up with a pair of cherub wings wrapped around my pillow and like to think it's a real angel.

...

I'm so lonely.

* * *

I was NOT banned from any forum despite the way that my maniacal levels of stupid would merit a punch in the dick in real life.
Richard Lobinske b& me last Tuesday based on the grounds that I'm a huge cunt. HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS.

Despite the way that nobody even remembers me anymore and have instead turned their attention to flaming Ronio and Jobu, I'm determined to beat my dead horse and try to 'explain' shit to a community that doesn't give a fuck anyway. This stems from the way that when I was born, the doctors hit me with a meat mallet because they thought I was a mutant.

WHY WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE LOVE ME

WHY GOD WHY

FUCK YOU I'M AN ANGEL

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Greybird Returns

I'm glad that you reversed whatever decision you made, because I wanted to set the record straight.

* * *

As to the legal controversy, it involved comments made about me at both the Daria Blandom Blog and SFMB's Flame Wars. They constituted defamation under libel law.

The comments have since been removed, and the parties involved (directly or by dint of not practicing oversight) have apologized to me, admitting that such comments were untrue. This settles that matter as far as I am concerned, making any repetition of the details unnecessary.

* * *

I did NOT insult Thea Zara. The sense involved here is whether or not I intended to do so, because each of us ultimately has no control over how one's comments are taken by others.

I said that I empathized with her loss (as I have lost my own parents) and her difficulties. I also tried to find out how a PayPal donation facility could be set up. I said that this was a worthy cause, especially for those who know her well.

I said, however, that I was not able to make a donation, because I did not want to risk having any such money - however indirectly - end up allowing the continued existence of SFMB's Flame Wars. It's an institution (or a part of one) that I've made no secret about detesting for several years, and I wrote about it at the original Daria Fandom Blog at some length, if anyone's interested.

No, that wasn't a particularly sensitive comment. I should have made it entirely in private to sysop Deref (who, I found out only later, was paying the cost of SFMB at that time) and others involved. That was my mistake.

It was, however, meant to make matters of personal support - or not - more clear in a semi-private thread that now no longer exists at PPMB. It was not meant as an insult. If Thea or anyone takes it that way, I regret that deeply, but I cannot control that.

* * *

I was NOT banned from any message board, with one limited exception. (Apart from this Icarus board, if, in fact, I was.)

Richard Lobinske informed me on 27 December that I was to be banned two days later, for two weeks, from PPMB. He gave me a brief list of reasons that were outright and deliberate lies, and which were subsequently repeated in a public PPMB thread.

I never had any formal warnings or complaints from the moderators about anything I had ever posted at PPMB. I had informal notes on a handful of occasions, but only when I posed questions in regard to a board controversy. Lobinske also told me on one occasion that I had made a link to an external sound file that had unacceptable content, and he'd deleted the link, but he offered no "warning."

The obvious motivation for this came from the controversy over Thea - wherein the mods had said they had no complaint whatsoever, beyond splitting my comments into a separate thread. And from the legal matter noted above. It had nothing to do with my not following PPMB rules, because I had, in fact, done so.

I told Lobinske and Wild that this banning was entirely specious, and that they knew very well it was specious, and I asked them to provide an explanation. They declined to respond.

I then told them that this was a transparent tactic to try to "punish" me in some way. They had a property right they could enforce, and which I respected - but I, in turn, could not tolerate their use of PPMB for a personal vendetta, nor their poor judgment. So I instructed them, before any ban took effect, to delete my PPMB user account. (Though not my posts.)

I did the same at SFMB, though only after Deref had turned off my access to Flame Wars. (As if this would ever hide, in practice, what anyone writes there - or shield it from legal action.)

I have had more than enough of those two boards - and, as I'm sure others will pipe up to say, they have had enough of me. Such is life.

After nearly three months having passed, and remembering my having posted here, I thought it important to take this opportunity to put some of these matters on record.


--Faybird, on the Icarus

The following is a work of omg satire or whatever.

I only have a few points to add.

1. My comments constituted defamation? No they didn't, Perry Mason. They constituted satire (as much was implied, rather explicitly).

2. I apologized? I guess, if you can call it such. I've never uttered a less sincere apology than the one I gave you. Again, I'm so totally sorry I called you a faggot and a pederast. I didn't mean to. The TV made me do it.

3. You were never given a formal warning on PPMB? Were you ever PMed about your behavior at all? Guess what! That's your fucking warning, chump change. The very fact that you're trying to split hairs about 'formal' warnings tells me that you were at PPMB with no purpose other than to see how far you could push the envelope, and for how long.

What, did you expect Kara to hand-deliver you a warning hand written in calligraphy on parchment paper with an official seal? Fuck you. You probably got warned by PM on more than one occasion, snickered derisively and filed those away in the back of your mind as being 'unofficial' since they didn't say "OFFICIAL WARNING" at the top, with a random "case number". Well, guess what? You don't decide what does and doesn't constitute a formal warning, THEY do. Enjoy your banhammer and your AIDS, pussy.

4.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

The official 2008 dariabomb

The 2008 dariacon was this last weekend...and i dunno..like 6 people showed up. One of them isn't even a member of the community, but RLobinske's wife. So.....5 daria fans sitting in an inn...fun! I am just so glad I didn't waste my money on this. Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I'm sure the feeling's mutual, I know how loved and appreciated I am, but come on, 5 people? I mean this thing was planned for 2 years! I guess the timing was really bad, it's in the middle of the school year for me and many others, the whole economy going down the tank didn't help...... And the dropping out of some of the most popular people in fandom early in the game.

And we wonder why Daria isn't on DVD. There are only 5 fans!

I'm glad the people who went had fun, but I wouldn't help but feel a little....underwhelmed if I were them. I mean, I don't even know who Shallow15 is, but he told me to fuck off today in MIRC, so he must be important! And Rlobinske, well, I've always wanted to be moderated in real life. I don't really have any against kristen/in/un/on whatever her deal is, but she's not somebody I'm dying to meet, she's a little to country fried wholesome for me. And her husband....I don't really remember why, but I don't think we get along. It's hard to keep track of all the people I don't get along with and why.

So, instead of just making fun of it, I say we plan another dariacon! And this time we make sure that all of the popular people will be there, cause if they go, everybody will go. It's like highschool or something slightly less retarded.

I will go to the next con if all or most of the following people go:

Deref: I like his accent.
Cyde: He is cyderific
Nat: She does my spanish homework for me.
Skittles: She's named after a candy that I enjoy.
Skittles' boyfriend: To keep her distracted so that I have a chance of attracting guys too
Scissors: I like his name, it's so sharp. HAHHAHAHA
Jak: Need to have something to amuse myself with
Tafka: Cause the two of us on the same continent would have to lead to something miraculous
Crazy_nutso: I like to call him nutsack
MartinUK: Somebody needs to be there for confession
Reese Kaine: I like the funny news he finds
Minky: She's really cute
Minky's boyfriend: I can't think of his name
Thea Zara: Cause she created Flame Wars
Jess: Cause she's from Oregon and "get's it"
Slobbergoat: Cause he's a slobbery goat
Dervish: Cause she'll keep bogeyman away
TAG: He wrote for Dragonlance.


If I left you off and you know that you would be vital to me going to the next con, don't be offended I probably just forgot, or maybe I just plain don't like you. Hard to say.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

"THE ANGER INSIDE ME THAT WILL NEVER DIE" - a satirical summary and denoument

Disclaimer: The opinions stated in this article are not necessarily those of the Daria Blandom Blog, any of its contributors other than cyde or of any site linked to this blog. Further, the author intends this article as a work of satire and, as such, will not be held responsible for any claim of libel or defamation that may arise from the article itself. In other words, get over yourself. If you're free to stick your neck out and complain, I'm free to cut it off in the spirit of satire and fair use.

Forward
: In the spirit of Petey's TL;DR position paper, I will write this article in the form of an essay which I intend to be so long and unrelatable that I expect virtually no one to read it. You know... so Petey and I can have some common ground. Except for the expectations, anyway. I'm sure Petey thinks less of everyone who didn't want to listen to his cries in the night this time.

***

No matter how angry and full of vitriol Petey Guerin's "position papers" are, he'll never be anything more than a whimpering, blubbering pussy, constantly bemoaning his fate and the fate of other special education students because "dammit, life just ain't fair!!!!11111one"

Petey is the kind of person who you can't argue with. You can't even suggest that Petey may be wrong about something. He just doesn't want to hear it. You can give him gentle encouragement, constructive criticism, sage advice or a swift kick in the ass. He doesn't care. All he wants to do is blubber to all the world about how mistreated he is and expect everyone to pity him.

So, he wrote another snorefest of a 'position paper' entitled "THE ANGER INSIDE ME THAT WILL NEVER DIE" The title alone is indicative of how close to moving on with his life Petey is. It doesn't matter how much sage advice or kindly, avuncular encouragement people like Brother Grimace give him, he doesn't want to change. And because of that, we have my review. Specifically, because of that we have the tone of my review. If you want to yell and scream and act like a bitch, all the while ignoring all the advice everyone gives you, no matter how kind and helpful it is... and if you want to get the thread you posted the link to your shitty paper in locked so no one else has a chance to comment on it in a public forum, then fuck you. I'm gonna say it my way.

Guerin opens with a reference to his last shitty paper about a kid from his alma mater who planned to shoot the school up, Columbine-style. Who cares? He didn't succeed and he got sent to the laughing academy. The world is probably a lot safer now.

"THE ANGER INSIDE ME THAT WILL NEVER DIE" is filled with uninteresting anecdotes such as the one about how he ran for class president in 1986 - "AN BRAVE HISTORIC MOVE WHAT A SPECIAL ED KID DOOD!" Do you want a fucking cookie, Petey? Is your utter shithole of a life so devoid of any kind of significant achievement that you feel the need to cite one of your own failures as a 'moral victory' simply because you participated?

Guess what, Petey. Even if you won (and I guess it goes without saying that you didn't,) I still wouldn't care. I didn't care about the posturing retards who ran for class president in my high school, much less yours. What the fuck makes you think anyone would care about yet one more example of how you're a loser? Not only was it in high school, it was 21 fucking years ago! The only way I would give this any attention was if you were still in high school after all these years, and only then to make fun of you. Based on the way you go on and on about high school's injustices, that may not be too far from the truth. Is that it, Petey? Are you pissed because you're the only asshole there who doesn't fit in the desks? Are you mad because trying to get a high school sweetheart this late in the game would constitute pedophilia?

Moving along, Petey goes from boring to coma-inducing by touting the letter he wrote to "Gregory Murtha, the principal at Connetquot" about how he had grandiose plans to hold a special assembly for the faculty and students extolling the virtues of tolerance and love toward special ed students, and the call he received from " Michael Moran, the assistant principal in charge of 10th grade" (as if these peoples' names mean anything to me) in which he was doubtlessly told, "Thanks but no thanks." Apparently, Mr. Murtha had the good grace to at least return his call, but Petey asked him to write him instead and seems shocked and affronted that a school administrator, whom I'm certain has all the time in the world to deal with every screwy jagoff who comes his way, opted not to sit down and write him a letter. I'm sure that even had Mr. Murtha written him back, Petey would've been insulted that the letter wasn't written by hand... in calligraphy... on 600 year old parchment paper... rolled up into a scroll... and hand-delivered by a young boy or eunuch that Petey could take into his lair and sexually abuse.

Apparently, that wasn't good enough, so he decided to write a bunch of letters to governors, congressmen, the fucking Pope... all asking for this kid -- the one who planned to kill his classmates -- to be pardoned. And now he's planning on sending a letter to Dubya along those same lines.

Petey then goes on to tell his entire life's story in this essay which might have been more appropriately entitled, "My Life as a Thalidomide Baby and How It Turned Me Into A Whiny Cunt"

We have stories about the time he was in kindergarten and got expelled because all he did was scream and rock back and forth. Yeah, that's unfair. You should be allowed to sit there and scream to the detriment of everyone else, shouldn't you have? This seems to be where Guerin's obscene sense of entitlement is rooted.

He goes on to tell about how he was put in the "self-contained" track where he was kept in one class except for recess, music and art. Um. You were acting like a little retarded brat. Why were you given these privileges at all? You should've been locked in a dungeon somewhere with food and water slid to you under the door.

"Oh come on, cyde! That's cruel! You wouldn't do that, would you?"

If you're naive enough to ask this question, then just click the nice big 'X' in the top right of your browser, turn your computer off and smash it with a sledgehammer. The internet is obviously not for you. OF COURSE I wouldn't do that to a child. Well, maybe to Guerin... anyway!

He goes on to tell of how he was teased. Called "neanderthal," "retard," "dummy," and "mongoloid". Hey. If the shoe fits...

He tells of how he was beaten up. How he eventually reached the breaking point. How he eventually fought back. (Whether or not he won any of these fights is currently undisclosed, but safe money is on Petey's opponents, be the fight physical or mental; he's a retard, remember?) He was told by the principal, whose full name he goes on to mention (a common theme in his papers), "If you ignore the bullies, they'll go away eventually."

If the Petey Guerin we know today is any indication, it's a safe bet that the school-aged Petey Guerin never did manage to do much ignoring.

And then Junior High started! [cue dramatic music]

Long story short, Guerin kept getting made fun of, kept getting his ass whipped and eventually got sent to a counselor. Then he decided to attempt suicide by throwing himself down a flight of stairs. I'm certain that his foolproof plan included wearing a football helmet and curling into a ball as he bounced down the stairs to reduce the impact.

Petey's mom took him out of counseling and he hasn't been back since ("of course Mother's gonna help build the wall")

And then came High School! [cue dramatic music that's even more dramatic than the last music]

The bullies came from all over the school district... scratch that... all over New York state... scratch that... all over the Northeast and flocked to Quiojkldfjkls High School with the express purpose of tormenting Petey Guerin. Petey's very own Field of Dreams. If you build it, Petey, they will come. And they'll beat the shit out of you. How sad :cry:

Later still, in his junior year of high school, Petey decided to enroll in the National Honor Society, but was turned down because he was a retard. (The "official" story was that he didn't have enough extracurricular activities) OF COURSE this was a conspiracy. Do you think they'd actually hold Petey Guerin to the of extracurricular activities standards that the rest of the society is held to? Pshaw! Fuck that! Petey Guerin is special!

Of course, Petey doesn't bother to tell the reader whether he had ever actually participated in an extracurricular activity... if his professed social life to that point is any indication, I'd say the answer is a resounding "NO" Hell, he could've put down on the application, as a goof, that he spent his time jerking off to lingerie ads in his room and they might have let him in on his sense of humor.

I have a hunch. Maybe they did reject Petey on the grounds that he was a retard. Maybe not so much mentally as emotionally and socially.

You know, if two women have the same job... and the one woman does the job and the other woman sits on her cell phone all day and doesn't do anything... and she gets fired... is it because the other woman didn't do her job? Now say the other woman is African-American. Did they fire her because they're racists now, Petey?

You want equal rights, but don't want to be held to equal standards. Guess what? If that happens, you don't have equal rights - you're gaming the system, and that's cheating, you FUCKING ASSHOLE.

The point is, if you apply to a society with admissions standards and you don't meet the standards, they aren't rejecting you on any other grounds than you don't meet the standards, so shut the fuck up, stop crying and go meet the standards and try again, douchebag.

Petey goes on to tell in greater detail about his foray into student government, getting his ass whipped some more and how he lost to some bitch in "in what was called the closest election in the school’s history; I lost by sixteen votes." In other words, he lost by sixteen hundred votes, because really. Who would vote for some retard?

He lost, demanded a recount, got told to shut up then filed a complaint with the U. S. Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights. Yeah. You read that right. Go back and read it again if you need to. Mercifully, his parents convinced him to withdraw the complaint. What a sore fucking loser.

He got on to some sort of bullshit student government committee the next year and tried to make a special education student's representative position. I'm certain he was as civil doing this as he is to the average woman in the Daria fandom because he got picked on, beaten up and threatened for his trouble.

He tried to go to prom and got picked on, beaten up and threatened. They didn't want a "retard" ruining their good time.

Yeah, Petey. It's that you were retarded, not that the squeaky wheel gets the grease... and I'm sure you were as crass and obnoxious as hell through all your attempts to become an activist. This is a reasonable assumption because you're as crass and obnoxious as hell today. Nobody wanted you around because you were a pest, an annoyance AND a retard.

He went to college and dropped out his Freshman year. Not because he was picked on, beaten up and threatened, but "because he was unhappy". Guerin had graduated high school in body, but not in spirit. From this point until now, he has allowed what happened to him in high school, combined with his disability, to serve as a crutch and an excuse for every failing he's had since then even if the two were completely unrelated. He joined a New York organization which I believe was called "Failures United by Caring, Kindly Financial Assistance Continuing their Educations," or FUCKFACE for short.

In 1990, Guerin's parents decided to move off of Long Island and to upstate New York. Guerin, in the true spirit of someone completely unwilling to let go of their miserable past, wouldn't even consider a change of venue. He went to FUCKFACE and requested that they move him into a group home. His (biological) dad scared him off telling him that he'd "have to share a room with several 'retards wearing bicycle crash helmets.'" Why the thought of living with kindred spirits scared him off, I'm not sure. Fucking bitch.

Failing this, Petey decided to move in with his biological father, "However, that also fell apart because he was slow in getting a room set up for me and on top of that he said he wanted me to stop going to FUCKFACE; he told me I was going to have just two weeks after I moved in with him to get an outside job or I was going to work for his concrete company again. I didn’t want to do that; I knew that my chances of getting a “real” job with my behavior problem were slim to none and I was sure as Hell didn’t want to work for that monster and his stupid concrete company ever again after how he mistreated me the last time. " In other words, his dad refused to coddle him the way his mother and stepfather had. He just wanted to toughen the boy up. He moved to Hudson Falls with mommy on December 14, 1990 - "The Day of Exile" Pooooooor Petey! Little bitch.

Why this rotten, entitled little scumbag was given an option at all is beyond me. His mother should've thrown him out and his dad should've allowed him to stay there just long enough to get a job pouring concrete, get on his feet and get a fucking apartment. Did I mention that Petey is a bitch?

Eventually, Petey applied for and was granted SSI, Disability, Medicare and Medicaid, screwing someone who really needed it out of the money. If it weren't for these generous boons, Petey might have been forced to either A) get a fucking job and finally grow up or B) give blowjobs to bums for crack.

Petey eventually enrolled at some community college and dropped out, but that wasn't his fault, of course.

He worked at an amusement park and got fired because of his attitude and sense of entitlement.

Petey now works at his mother and stepfather's print shop, where he's worked for the last 14 years, getting into fights with his stepfather. What a retard. I hope your stepfather has a pension plan for you, nitwit.

Basically, the rest of this lousy paper consists of making excuses for himself and other special ed kids whose peers condemned them to a life of pushing brooms, sucking cocks in back alleys and slinging crack rock. It's everyone else's fault, personal accountability be damned.

He makes excuses for the kids who shoot up schools and kill their peers - it's not their fault! They were picked on and so was I!

Well, let's take your dismal point of view and go for the obvious counterpoint:

These murderous students actually had the balls to pick up a pistol, walk into their schools and accomplish something. Why don't you hate them for getting on the front page while you descend further and further into SELF-IMPOSED mediocrity?

Society is a sham. Unless you meet a rigid, arbitrary set of circumstances which Petey Guerin has so helpfully provided, you'll never understand. Fuck you, Guerin, you whiney, pathetic little cocksucker. Who made you the grand arbiter of all that is and isn't unjust? By Guerin's standards, anyone who hasn't lived his exact life can't understand what it is to be miserable. Give me a fucking break, you self-absorbed little queen. What a prima donna!

And on he goes, presuming to tell special ed students the world over how they should live their lives. Screaming, acting out and causing just as much of a disruption as their tormentors may have. I'm certain that had "Gregory Murtha, the principal at Connetquot" allowed you your little assembly, it would've been filled with screaming, histrionics and bathos, much like your so-called "position paper" is.

At the end we see that Petey Guerin is "President and CEO" of a "corporation" called "Mark Zero Fan Fiction, Unlimited". I wonder how this little pretentious waste of time has helped Petey improve his quality of life. I use the diminutive "Petey" because that's exactly what he is - a fucking child. Petey's growth was stunted that first day of seventh grade and he hasn't aged a day since, and that's nobody's fault but his own.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Farewell Good Friend

Ahmygoddess has passed away. He was a wonderful friend to me and many others. I will always remember him. I'm in too much shock at this moment to give him proper respects here, but I felt I had to post something.


You will be missed Jeff!

Monday, January 21, 2008

The Nominees

Can't have a vote without proper discussion of the issues:

MJPollard: Does a lot of the "RIP somebody nobody has ever heard of" posts. Did you know that the guy who used to drive a bus from that hair band in the 80's that had one popular song died? Did you want to know? No? Exactly...that's why MJP made the list.

Docforbin: Notorious for posting something, provoking annoyance and anger and then never ever responding to any of the people who are stupid enough to respond to one of his posts. Posts spoilers for TV show nobody knows or cares about. Talks about comics in the newspaper that nobody cares about and says things like "I do what I want...just like Luann". If there was someway you could punch somebody through the internet, this guy would be dead. And there was that whole thing about his stupid high school reunion.

Wouter: Does this guy ever talk about anything except for bands nobody has ever heard of or guitars? I mean, how many freaking posts about guitars can one possibly stand? It's no wonder he has more guitars than he has had girlfriends.

Dervish: Dervish is very insightful and funny a lot of the time, but sometimes her posts are just TLDR. And sometimes with all the links, it could take a couple of hours just to read one post. I know I have better things to do, like watching 90210 marathons.

Crossada: Hmm...where to start. "My landlord wants to make repairs to my apartment" "My brand new car is tainted because somebody else sat in it that may or may have not come into contact with battery acid at one point in his life" "I hate the government but don't mind living off of it" "liberals are trying to take my guns! I need those guns to protect me from the government that is after me and my landlord who is trying to repair my building" "Liberals drank all my beer!" "Some underage girl didn't take too kindly to my perverted old man advances towards her" This guy posts every crackpot theory in the world and even if it's an article about ballerinas and sandwiches he turns into a conspiracy against him personally.

RLobinske: If 90% of his posts weren't explaining why he just locked a thread that was "getting out of hand" (i.e. people were disagreeing) he might not have made this list. Although, his fanfiction alone qualifies him. "There was this huge disaster, but michael held daria and kissed her and then everything magically turned out perfectly and the disaster went unnoticed by all"

Bluu: "People are so jealous of me and how perfect I am" "I have a problem, there is a guy who likes me like so much and i'm just way better than him and now he doesn't like me as much as he used to" This girl is attention whore the extreme, I don't know if it's because of her age, or if she is a real life Quinn (sorry Quiverwing) but she is definitely eyeroll worthy.

Derek: "Here is a picture of a train" "Here is a picture of a blue train" "here is a picture of a subway" "here is a picture of a train next to another train". Here is a picture of me beating my head against the wall.

Note: Robin Sena did not make the list for the sole purpose that it would not be fair to the other contenders. Robin Sena will always be the biggest assdiva in the world and be capable of making the most boring yet insanely mind bogglingly horrid posts possible.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

NEW POLL

If you have a problem with it, sue Quiverwing, it was her idea, I'm just the only one with the power to create the polls. I like to think that I'm like jesus, but not in a sacrilegious way.

The results are in


Least Favorite Forum at PPMB


General
1 (4%)
Nick's Corner
10 (41%)
Deep Thoughts
6 (25%)
WMD
2 (8%)
Creative Writing
5 (20%)
The Easel
0 (0%)


Votes so far=: 24


A new poll will now be added every week. Cause it's important to get people's opinions on stuff that doesn't really matter. Feel free to suggest ideas for polls. Then I can make a poll about the worst suggestion for a poll. It will be radical.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Cause I can

I made a new poll! Aren't you proud of me? What is your least favorite forum at PPMB? I mean besides the ones that didn't even make the poll because nobody important (i.e. me) ever posts in them. It's so hard to pick just one!

Monday, January 7, 2008

Congratulations to

Greybird! You have won DBB's Asshat of 2007 award. Your prize is complete ostracization from Daria Fandom! Oh, if we only all could be so lucky.

You really have to commend the guy for winning by such a huge margin. Somebody should explain to Bush that this is what a mandate is.

Robin Sena came in second and Martin and Gamefreak tied for 3rd. Better luck next year guys! Guess you'll just have to try harder.


Well, that's it for the Biggest Asshat of 2007. I'd have a better post for you all, but, ya know, the writers strike and all.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Dariacon is a giant daria-bomb

So...

the big Dariacon is looking like a pretty major bust. Not many people going at all. So, what are the real reasons you're not going?

I'm not going mostly because of school, it would be almost impossible for me to make it due to having to go to school 5 days a week and both Monday and Friday being required for me to be there. So that would give me 2 days, and with an 8 hour flight each way, it just seems totally unfeasible.

However, almost nobody I want to meet/like is going, I'd be more inclined to work something out if more people were going that I like.

I also gave away my free plane ticket, so I'd have to pay out of pocket and I'd rather go somewhere else.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Biggest Asshat of 2007: A Look Back

So, with cynigal’s poll closing in a couple of days, I thought I could reflect a little on the events that led those names to be in that poll. So, let’s analyse the ones who got the honor and the ones who should have too. For lulz and great justice.

Greybird: Known for playing no positive role in the fandom. Used every opportunity he got to catcall fans and their works ever since he joined. This time, what he said about Thea Zara and his threat of legal action made him the front runner among the asshats of the year.

Robin Sena/Becky/Ianthe Yario/The Ghosts: Known for her bizarre posts and stupid behaviour. Lately, she’s been obsessed with cyde and his allies, and that’s getting fucking old. It seems that she has nothing better to do than living in this hell she creates in her own head. Not to mention she cannot even keep her sock puppets straight.

Starmeshelion: Known for his insanely creepy obsession with Stacy, that started getting on everyone. He refused to accept Stacy was not real, and did not want people to badmouth Stacy because “she was so pure and sweet.” Yeah, and also a fictional character. Of course, people responded with more angsty fanfiction that had Stacy suffering horrible deaths only to give the guy a heart attack. He was very stalkerish and got offended when I asked him not to flirt with me against my will. He got so butthurt over it that he called me a “whore” in a thread.

Game freak/R. Whitley/Ricky/Flameman: Known for being just plain stupid and for returning with so many sockpuppets that people thought he was sockpuppet queen Becky at some point. A typical attention whore, in the end he was just posting to get banned. His board advertisements were getting annoying. Something tells me he’ll be back this year… *knock on wood*

Martin J. Pollard: Let me refresh your memory: he stole Kara Wild's intellectual property and when she found out about it and asked him to remove what he had taken without permission, he bluntly refused to take them off his site. Instead, he decided to close OD and erase all traces of Kara Wild's existence (her stories, essays, etc.) from it. Kara had every right to do what she did, but he obviously behaved like a pompous child about it. "No, no, no!! I won't do it!! BAAAAAWWW!!! I'm leaving!!! Daria fandom is nothing without my website and YOU know it!!!"

E.A Smith: It was rumored that he left his moderator position because of an argument he had with cynigal, where he refused to answer to her points and that she was clearly winning. According to cynigal, he made the poll because she “just doesn’t like the guy.”

Honorable mentions (that should’ve been included):

cynigal: That goes without saying. For creating the DBB, because she’s a bitch.

cyde: For making Robin Sena a star. A prolific DBB and Flame Wars poster, if you couldn’t tell by now, he’s a dick.

RLobinske: As someone pointed out before, for random thread-locking and lack of a sense of humor.

I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting people. Oh well. Keep voting!

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

Can't you people follow simple rules?! Why haven't you brought me shirtless Brad Pitt from FightClub? You're all sued!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

And Martin's Back...

Anyone want to go kiss his arse?

I thought not. How kind of him to notice how badly fandom was struggling without him there to blow hot air about. Funny that.

Martin, on behalf of the fandom you huffed out of over intellectual property theft that you never apologised for I'd like to pass on the following message. We're doing just fine without you. You can fuck off again any time you like.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

VOTE

Who do you think was the biggest asshat of 2007? Vote!